some (more) realisations

It just occurred to me that there has been something quite longstanding that I'm only now beginning to resolve (hopefully). The 'it' is the 'being' of insecurity that has plagued over... many years of my life, and it is only now in NUS/USP that I'm beginning to find the resolution to it. The insecurity comes from the feeling of not being in the right place, of finding my own way in life, of fidning the people to relate to, to talk to. I guess this insecurity has been the elephant in the room, the disease that manifests itself in different forms, and now it seems to me that I've only been treating the symptons, not the cause of the disease itself. But gradually I'm beginning to find it, and maybe changing of the faculty is one part of the cure, having found USP, which is another part of the cure. And at the same time, I am beginning to find the friends whom I can talk to, relate to, some more so than others, but finding friends all the same - friends whom I can really trust in, wholly share my life with, though others might find it uncomfortable with. But thats also how I process my insecurity, by sharing my life with others. oh well.

but then, the real cure needs to come from Him, for the peace that comes with knowing what He wants me to do through me. I guess when that alignment comes, there the real cure is too.

amen.