31st dec 2004 - 1st jan 2005

here i am, blogging on new year's eve cos i've got nothing else to do. i've finished as much of my homework as i could, and there is nothing left for me to do... yar..

haha... am i going to make resolutions? haha.. it doesn't matter whether i make them or not, cos in the end, its all up to me. but i've always got things to do in the new year...

1. know God more
2. do well in A'levels
3. write book
4. qualify for final 8 in nationals in track no matter the event.
5. piss off less people. (work on my personal relations skills)

erm.. and i guess that's it.. i'm more or less satisfied with this list, since i guess that covers basically everything that i ever wanted to do and they are pretty specific, and pretty easy to achieve i guess, if i stick to my discipline.

oh yar.. personal improvements

1. cultivate WILL, DETERMINATION
2. become STRONGER,
PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY
3. PATIENCE, consideration, thoughtfulness...

yar... i wanna work on these..

more aims...
1. understand people, psychology
2. more science... cos it's my first interest


hahaha...... thats all i can think of rite now.. wait.. friends..!!

always treasure the friends i have...and hold them dear to my heart..!!

to samantha...danny...merrini...wanlin...

esp to samantha: there will always be so much i want to say to you, but there's only so little that i can get to you.... whenever you need help, me'll be there.... haha...

xiaoping, pamela, fang yi, dion(e?)...

jing ting...

the pple i met at IMRE.. haha..

yong lim(buddy), darren, kian leong, crystal, xiao qian, jiajun.. hahhaa..........

haha........................................ almost like counting my blessings..!! haha....

THANK YOU, GOD for this marvellous year..!! 2004 has been exciting.>!! hahaha.......

all the best people..!! all the best in studies and relationships..!! haha..

counting down already?

training wasn't too bad today..... having a little ache in my thigh, but that's only normal... i wonder when my thighs (quads...hamstrings) can become stronger... anyway....

i've done most of my homework, and i think i've done as much as i could.. some other things are left undone.. but... i hope it wun matter..

bought some nike stuff today.. a pair of socks and a pair of shorts.. haha... for RUNNING..!! hahaha... me wanna run.. and run.. and run.. hahahahha....

and i'm reminded of a song by christina aguilera...

The voice within

Young girl don�t cry
I�ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it�s alright
Your tears will dry, you�ll soon be free to fly

When you�re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing�s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Chorus:
When there�s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you�ll find the strength that will guide your way
You�ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don�t hide
You�ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you�re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It�s so hard to stand your ground when you�re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

Chorus

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you�re learning
You�ll find all you�ll ever need to know
(be strong)
You�ll break it
(hold on)
You�ll make it
Just don�t forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can�t do
No one can stop you, you know that I�m talking to you

Chorus

Young girl don�t cry I�ll be right here when your world starts to fall

i just found it nice.. thats all.... if only songs are unisexual.. hahaa.....

it doesn't matter what the lyrics are.. what matters is the mesage of the song... haha...

getting tired... haaha...............

if i can have a super power, what would that be?
haha.. i wanna read minds.. haha....... that would be nice..haha.....

28-12-2004

let time heal some wounds... let God do the rest...

for the lives lost
.
.
.
.
.
.

can't wait for training.. cos a little strain in my thigh is gone, and i guess that means i recovered. i hope. i hope my body is stronger now...

i found a blank notebook... guess i shouldn't have bought one in the first place.... anyway... now may not be the perfect time to write the book i want to write. i have to consult many people first...

1. my gp teacher who's extremely resourceful,
2. raj from NLB, who can help me with getting help with bookwriting.
3. the many young people i have to interview.

..... and my friends...

all the best for the new year ahead..

let 2005 come...

christmas eve... 2004

sigh..

lonely night...

i'm not really sure if i had been productive today. just did the usual-what i have to do. anyway... its almost christmas and i'm by myself really.. i think i'm going to sleep.. blargh....

should have gone to orchard to do countdown... or try to tag some friends along. oops.. danny away at chalet.. wonder how is he doing...

i am lonely again... at a time when people would be together... sigh...

nah... all this 'loneliness' crap is making me seek. i am not like that. i've been like that for quite sometime anyway. having people around sometimes cramps my style. but not all the time. so... celebrations not a big deal. its been with myself... having some quiet time, thinking about God... thinking about many many stuff.. thats me... sitting by the window, letting the wind blow past my face...

thats me, with the pen, writing on a book by a desk lamp... thats me...listening to a cd!! worshipping...

i'm really fine by myself.. thats the truth... but sometimes..... its nice to be with people...

sigh......
merry christmas.>!!

today is 23rd december

things i did...

bought new balance shoes for 150...!!! aww man.. made a big hole in my bank account.. sigh.. another few months of savings to boost it again... haha

saw the national youth forum thingy.. if only i had been more attentive.. i COULD HAVE BEEN THERE.. arrgh.. big joy big joy... they going to have more people in the forum.. hurray.. !! and i was so... erm... never mind.. feel kinda strong when people talk like that.. reminded me of the debators.. anyway.. so glad that i'm going to have a shot in joining the youth forum thingy.. haha... i hope i wun be another speaker....

write??

i going to write about youths in singapore..!! and i need help in getting as many opinions as possible.. haha.. too bad me haven seen enuf of singapore and the world to write the entire on my own.. i gonna need help..!!

tired.. but nice

haha... today track training was alright, even thou i was still recovering from gym from the day before..!! hey..!! wasn't so tough after all, even tho i did something new today.. did squats with heavy weights... wasn't too tough after all...then... did jumps.. hee... long legs, so jump and jump.. haha.. i love jumping just for fun.. i love BOUNDING.. 'bound....bound....bound...' hahaha...

then... played lotsa badminton.. so surprised that my reflexes were still intact.. i still can save low shots..!! made me kneel down.. eergh.. hahaha....

today was so different from MOnday.. after doing 300m stride, my whole body just crapped up.. rested the entire session.. boohoo.. haha.. but i still made it today..!! hopefully my bod is listening and gearing up as i sleep..!!

target.. top8 in whatever event i do for nationals..!!! wear the acjc jersey..!!! muahahahha..>!!

double service..!!

got invited by crystal, nice girl who was at the attachment too... to her church event..!! haha.. so surprised that Ben (high jumper) was also part of the church.. haha.. yeah.>!! so happy.. haha... then... went for FCBC service.. haha.. and it was nice too!! cos apostle khong was giving the sermon.. always so full of power and inspiration.. haha.. and then.. i got home and started dreaming.. and dreaming.. and dreaming..

felt physically very tired.. but just felt very nice and HAPPY.. haha.. must be the joy of god upon me.. haha.. and i sing songs..!! haha.. and i bought a worship CD.. haha.. listening to it now.."falling under the spell of GOD... hahahaha..!" hahahahahahaha....... and Samantha.. i thot of saving to buy you a clarinet.. haha.... but thats in the future.. and I will remember that one fine day when i have the money.. hahaha..!!! and Danny.. start believeing in something..!! hahaha.. or you'll never give yourself anything to believe in..!!! hahaa........

haha.............. why do i always wanna laugh? haha. cos i want to..!! i'm HAPPY...!!! haha......

and for today..

i realise my body is like thin glass or crystal.. fragile crystal...a little perturbation....

a little choc..
a little chips..
and 1 durian.. and its enuf to give me a sore throat that could last for a long long time.. sigh...

and being out there for 8 hours is enuf to up my adrenaline so much i get so exhausted at home.. and... the entire day in cold air-con is enuf to make my skin colder than the metal poles in the MRT, at least for a while.. my skin is so sensitive to cold..!! aargh..!!!!

and i get so much flab.. i am going to be so depressed when i get back to track when i realise how fit my trackmates are going to be.. .~sigh~~~ more potential depression.. arrgh.. what the heck..
"I'll just roll over and get back up again.....".......

anyway.. it wasn't really the end

the previous post was rather short.. oops... anyway...this is the 'continuation' of the previous post.

what i meant with 'the end' is really just the end.. another experience is going to end and soon, another one will start.. haha..

was reading the book of Ecclesiastes and Joshua.. can someone explain why Ecclesiastes sounds more like a Zen monk and why God and Joshua had to leave NO survivors in getting the promised land??? questions to ask... anyway..... i dun think i'll do with the tag board cos these qns require more than just 'comments' ....

another end of another chapter

i'm quite bored now.. cos i've finished what i'm supposed to do... (i think and hope) so.. me blogging.. hahahaha.... and i had a funny dream last night...

i dreamt that i became extremely arrogant somehow and ervyone leaves me like i'm anathaema or something.. errgh.. anyway... i think i'm becoming 'unbound' again.. time to put back the restraining straps of humility again..ok......

the head of mine..

yo yo... very tired.. was about to replace 'very' with an expletive..nah.. decided not to after going through a sermon about putting God in every speech and every thought... not easy... everyone noes controlling the mouth and the tongue ain't easy... but few realise that its the mind that makes it so.. so little can control the wild runnings and trips the mind undertakes to faraway and forbidden places... to places of darkness and evil.. who can control that? except the light and truth of God?? get you thinking?

hahaha.. my life.. has been rather bereft of experiences... what other take for granted has rarely happened to me. on the other hand, what others think extraordinary is just within the scope of everyday life for me...

it just happens that i can string tunes and words together to form a little song.. but i will forget within the next 15mins.... i am so eager to learn music so can at least write down the potential chart-buster song.. sigh... haha... wild wild fantastic dream...

anyway... sometimes, thots just come up... comes from nowhere, and i can barely trace the source of that thought.. sometimes like a sledgehammer, sometimes like feather..but it comes.. and i'll write them down.. lest i forget.. always carry a notebook around. never know when the next revelation comes.. hahaha..

thank God for the way he made me.. haha........

slacker day

monday monday...

went to watch an animation.. Kaena... got lost in its above average CGi and dazzling scenes.. yar.. so lost i couldn't get its meaning... oops... somehow, there was something about the show that didn't appeal to me... ooh well.. it doesn't really matter... maybe should let my mind just relax..the movie wasn't too bad...

another thought came to me while walking down orchard road... i wonder if there has been any attempt by somebody to write about the complexity of singapore... maybe its going to be something for me to write about...

I LOVE WRITING... haha... maybe i can become a journalist someday.. but first.. lemme write something out first.. haha...

now the fog clears and everything is clear... i see everything clearly now... and there is no darkness nor obscurity that makes me doubt. i am almost without doubt now... the rest of the vagueness i hope, will crystallize into something...

thanks sam!! for everything..!

endless night..(1)

the endless night....

in a dimly-lit room is a lonely soul, with little friends...a life of near solitude...

he watches from his window the snowy street, of people in winter coats and earmuffs. the faint drizzling of snow cast a faint blur on the entire streetscape. the soft glow of lighting from neighbouring houses illuminates the darkening sky as the moon begins to wax. but even the moon is not alone in the night. the blinking, winking?? celestial diamonds begin their turn on the velvet black stage.

the lonely soul switches his gaze from the heavens to terra, to the concrete pavement and sidewalks. he watches as couples link arms, hands mutually clasping for warmth and affection. watching this, he felt a distinct chill deep within his heart as he started to cry, but the tears never came. he turned away, looking inward into his room. looking at the blank pieces of paper piled on his table, he could not take it. the lack of affection and the inability to write-the feeling of helplessness overwhelmed him in waves like the currents of a swirling vortex, threatening to pull him into the deepest abyss of darkness. he collapsed on the floor, kneeling with an unfathomable agony, he cried out, to the heavens above and beyond...."God where are you?"

potential writing project???? hee....

yawn...

yawn.... yawn.... and more yawn... sleepy yet? hmm... i need something.. a little spark... or maybe i'm just too tired with everything... yawn... i need some time out, but knowing myself, i probably wouldn't give myself one.. maybe till the whole attachment stuff is over... give myself some off-time. go watch movies, sleeping.. read a few books... studying a little bit about what i want to study about... getting along with people i want to get along with... thats all i ask for.. not much.. rite?

dear God, give me rest... give me the thought to think of of You... amen...

oops.. hee...

oops.. haven been blogging for a long long time.. been a little caught up with me attachment and my own personal writing.. (thats write.. i dun just blog.. i write into me own beige-y notebook..) went to suntec adidas and adidas at city-link to discover that adidas having 30% sale.. hee.. going to buy something... shoe? shirt? short?

if i was feeling mathematical, i would be doing the following... :

with the shoe, shirt and shoe, with their range of prices, for different models and put them in a 3 by n matrix, where n represents the different models...

whatever.. me not feeling mathematical anyway.. but the aim is to devise a strategy to choose what to buy if you want to buy all 3. hee..

so............ been trying to find blogskins.. and... can't find anyone.. so me going to just stick to this template until one fine fine day... when i can either do another search, or when i can design my own...(thats a long long day away....).....

ok.. me shleeeeeeeping now..... till the next time i blog.... hee

boring...

my blog is so so so boring... all the more interesting stuff, its in my pen & paper notebook. i never wanted to blog actually, just wanted to try and see, thats all. yawn...