february-no-more 2005

today is the last day of february. haha.. just another day really. not trying to sound too 'deep'. whatever that means.

had my prac today. nothing too difficult, just that it did not expect the prac to be so free of difficulties. yar. just 'no problem', i guess.

hmm.. i will not sound too 'deep'. should i make myself shallower? nah.. silent thoughts always run deep. sigh...

anyway, it was kinda silly for me, i guess, to always message this girl, apparently for nothing. does that mean its a crush? i think so... then again, i am trying to think nothing of it. because i dun want anything to 'really happen'.

i think God is trying to tell me of my purpose now... having this little tiny voice telling me to 'serve' but not specifying any details. i remember praying again and again that saturday night while celebrating Xiaoping's birthday and near the end of it, i realised that i had teared... i think its the first time that i had any tears after praying. maybe somehow....

i've had the little impression that i do not belong in the cell i am in. i dunno. i'm like a odd looking piece that doesn't seem to fit anywhere. no surprise that i'm a BIG loner. and i cover myself with a facade of goofiness especially with my bunny buck teeth and smiles, and weird humour. but then, i always manage to make people smile, because of who i am. like how i would endear myself to people i want to feel endearment for.

i can't help being myself to be a little more sincere? or a little bit more helpful, be the kinda guy whom everyone can talk to, because i have that bit of a universality?, or because of the kind of guy i am, which is ???

wondering if God is testing me, realising my weakness is for heterosexual perversion, by putting me in members of the opposite sex. i would like to think that i am doing fine on that test, as it has been such a while ever since any perverted thought came to me, so...... meanwhile, God has made me encounter another girl, whom i'm feeling that little bit touched............. God has put girls like that before. Samantha was one, and so was Merrini.. and now her........e................... ???

yawn..... so much for goofiness...

thank You, Jesus........................

13-2-2005

sometimes, its so hard to believe that time can actually fly so fast. before one can actually grasp and take hold of it, it has already slipped the hands of the beholder.

although i had long been aware that time is so, so precious, and always aware that it is important not to take the moments for granted, it still seems so amazing to look back at things and look at how far, how advance, the passage of time, and the experiences that one has been through. already, i have lived 17 years of my life. 17... i can hardly imagine that period of time that i've gone through. its strange, that the present can sometimes seem so dreary and slow, only to wonder at how fast it has been. how come? how come our sense of time is so strange and perverted?

a little joke comes to my mind, about how einstein used to describe relativity, how 5 minutes looking at a girl can seem so short, and how 5 minutes can seem so long in a hot place..... though i can't remember the exact quotation, it doesn't matter. you who read will understand.

of course, from time to time, i will still look back and be amazed at the period of time that has just passed me by. its something that i do every now and then...

because life on Earth is only this short. I can hardly imagine eternity. No wonder God wants us to count our days, maybe wanting us to remember how short everything can be...

another thing... about festivities. I think that its important for everyone of us, in festivites to remember what the festitvities mean. because i get this feeling that a lot of us just go through the motions of what some festivities mean. maybe if we only take a little while to appreciate all that we celebrate. what do we celebrate in our festivities? what are the values worth celebrating? you who are going about, in a ritual or a festival of celebration, consider clearly what you hold dear and sacred to you, something that is inviolable in your moral system. and let it not be swayed by whatever that is influencing you to think otherwise.

Consider the diversity of our culture. For it cannot be taken for granted what holds us together in these times. There are precious little other places on Earth who do what we do here in Singapore. Appreciate what we have. it wun take too much of your time to consider what you truly hold dear to you...

let us not be hollows, without a core that is devoid of anything of substance. we have to remember somethings, and we have to remember them, and hold them dear to our heart...

hallo hallo...

been looking at the entries, and thinking about it, well, it appears that i only blog in every fortnight. haha.. guess my original plan to blog every week got thrown out of the window, just like bascially other plan that i had for my own life. oh well. things always change, and i always try to do the most important things, and blogging just doesn't happen to be out there up with my most important things to do. among them include:

1. study chemistry
2. study MORE chemistry
3. study physics
4. study more physics
5. write
6. write MORE

haha... its that simple. used to tell people that all i need are

1. pen
2. paper
3. running shoe
4. something science-y

yar..... yup..

i'm very much conflicted.

watchec michael moore the other day. and kinda set me thinking.

just what moral principles is the world running on?

hmm......................

because there is always some justification for some other action. so i guess that's why we have politicians, commentators, lawyers, essayist..... and... all the humanities people...