Mission Statement for my time in USP

I decided to listen to songs instead for my quiet time just this once, and the first song was: Who am I?

Just moments earlier, I felt compelled to express what I wanted for USP, in the context of the things that I'm trying to do.

A very simple thing came out:

I wanted to leave USP better than it was when I first came in.

And then BAM! - Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth, would care to know my name....

I won't be able to do that, or do anything fruitful without God. Or without friends, for that matter. And now, I shall start, to gather like-minded people, and begin to see the possibilities.

Two ways:

Academic, and Community.

Academic: Pushing the boundaries of USP so that others after me can find an-already trodden path.

Push the academic boundaries not just in USP, but in NUS and in Singapore as well.

Current ideas: 

Raise the possibility of even a Singapore Studies minor, 

open the possibilities for accredited modules with NTU and SMU...

pursuing my own liberal-arts-ish styled academic programme, doing lots and lots of modules!

Community: Finding ways to allow juniors to bond within themselves to pool their learning together, and to engage the seniors when they need to. Provide the juniors with the tools to find peers in USP from their own major, and to look for seniors who are willing to do the job of being a mentor like figure...

I think all these just about sums up why I'm pushing all these boundaries...

But why do I even want to leave USP better than when I first entered?

1. Because USP has given me so much, that naturally, I feel compelled to return.

2. Because I want those who come after us to have a better USP.

and... Because its something from God.

An 'affliction'

Here's how I decided to frame all my academic problems:

Eddie's Syndrome:

ES tends to occur in individuals who have read extensively in both breadth
and depth, and as such, is a multidisciplinary scholar despite not scoring
high scores. Individuals who have this syndrome tend to be slightly angsty
about what major to do, since no single major can accommodate their
interests. It is also manifested in the numerous emails they send to their
academic advisors about their academic dilemmas, especially with regards to
the profusion of academic ideas that they wish to pursue.

When approaching students possessing this genotype, it is advisable NOT to
ask for their majors, lest incurring the wrath of the individual being asked
the question. Such students typically do not believe in the concept of a
'major' and as such, might be more at home in a true-blue liberal arts
college, which might be beyond the individual's economic means to pursue. As
such, it would be more advisable to inquire about the person's interests -
since all of the interests are highly likely to be academic.

Individuals with ES would like to eventually embark on research projects
that make full use of their multidisciplinary capabilities - more than that,
they would also like to change the way the world thinks, not just about
changing how the world works.

Apparently, Eddie's Syndrome is best treated at USP where afflicted
individuals can receive the academic support to pursue all the many things
that they want to do.

other developments in my life

On friendship:

Responsibility, honour, love - these things are old, these things are true. I take these things quite seriously, and I try to abide by these rules I set for myself. Responsibility and honour basically means helping out and giving of ourselves as much as I can, with love at the basis of everything. Honour is more than pride, although pride is a component of it. Honour is like... upholding the intangible promises you give to someone, like, 'I'll be here for you', and be serious about it.

Anyway, being a friend is what I'm really learning, how to, despite life's distractions, uphold all of these things and still score grades? 1. It requires the person to give the grades to God, and 2. its about the outflowing of genuine love.

Anyhow, enough of metaphysics.

I've raised suggestions for fostering a stronger sense of community within USP - about how to make the y1s know each other, and the senior, to go to when they need academic help.

I've raised suggestions for the directors, deputy directors on how to do modules better, and suggesting other requirements for other modules.

I have a clearer sense of my academic life, and understanding why I'm making the choices that I'm making.

Inspired by Dr Ryan's tale of how to use pictures for education. Effective visual tools for ever more effective learning.

I don't want to just study for grades - I want to study the things that matter, and the things of consequence.

And I want to create my own undergrad, even postgrad education.

Will post a satire of myself in the next post.

has nothing happened?

Although outwardly it seems that nothing has happened, I know that inwardly, things are changing.

The recent incident has perhaps brought about a spiritual sensitivity. And, although there is no set date, I now feel daily a sense of urgency and preparedness - that the day will come when I have to tell my parents, and that day will be unpleasant. But on that day, I know that my cell will be with me to ride out everything. And of course, it'll be a bonus if it happens with a christian girlfriend in tow. But again, everything is up to the Lord - I can do nothing but pray.

Again, before everything else can happen, I still have to set things right with the Lord. I sin, and I go to Him for forgiveness. Lord, help me everyday to set right my paths. Give me the grace to come back everytime I stray, O Lord.

So yeap.

Now that I'm here...

The week is drawing to a close, and I'm not feeling anymore urgent. Should I be? All there is, is this sense of peace that I'm feeling. 

Not this time, it seems. 

I'll be with you, always.

Meanwhile, now that you're here, continue to give your grades to me. I will take you through your time in NUS-USP. There's nothing else you have to do. Leave it all to me. Continue to work hard. 

Rest well. 

choices as it feels like now

I'm going through a not-so-easy patch right now in my life. I've been a christian for a while now, and every year it seems harder to tell my parents that. But I have to tell them eventually, and now, things seem to be progressing in such a way that I might need to tell them soon. 

The hardest parts of my semester is over, with the exams to go, and me being me, I'll definitely be clearing the work required. Meanwhile, I've been feeling that I've been given choices... 

And the whole gist of the matter is like this:

1. Don't do it now and let it snowball - meaning, the consequences will be greater, but so will the victory.

2. Do it now and go through with it. 

2. Requires everyone support, when I say, where I say. 

1. Means pushing the event to a later date sometime in the future, at a time when perhaps I can 'gently break it' to them...

Lord, is this from You?

If not this, is everything else contempt of You?

its been sometime

some people have been complaining that I haven't been blogging. Well...

I haven't been blogging much because I have been quite occupied with school work. I am still a bit too committed to my own school work, and I would take special semester because it would allow me to focus on school work, and hope to produce a good piece of work. Especially if its only on one module.

But that aside, serious things have happened or are happening. 

I want to thank God for resolving my LSM mini-crisis. I don't know what happened, but the thing is, I could have simply gone for a wednesday session if I had missed the tuesday one. But me being me, the obvious slips by me. And perhaps the prof did too, and so reproportioned my grades to distribute the 15% evenly. Phew. Amen!

There is a second crisis, but its more like a ticking time bomb, and it seems that the longer I wait, the bigger the explosion. There's a church retreat, but its in Indonesia, and I can't just slip out of Singapore. At some point in my life, I will have to tell them, and the more I delay, the bigger it'll be. Simply, Father, I ask for an answer. As to when I must tell them.

and the smallest thing, is academic. I'll be involved in hosting HCAP students, and its going to be a mess for me. 

Now, why am I still 'psycho-ing' people to join USP?!? haha. euphemism: evangelism.

Some exciting ideas, and the whole 'break' waiting for me. 

I feel tired and disconnected.

post-NY/princeton prayer

Dear Lord, I thank You for the time that I had in Manhattan and Princeton, and i thank You Lord, that i am fortunate enough to have had this opportunity. Lord i know that it is only by grace and grace alone that i was able to make it there. and i am reminded that it was by grace i’m in NUS, and by grace I’m i USP, that it is grace too that i have had this group of wonderful friends, and my life, and my family, and everything that i’ve had.

Lord, You know the things going on in my life - how Princeton motivated me to study even harder, with the idea that somehow i might be able to do post-grad work in an Ivy. but even that is vanity. You have shown throughout the trip how You are ultimately in control - how i was refused entry into the TED Conference office, how similar Princeton students were from Singapore students. You have showed me what matters, and what doesn’t, that TED isn’t such a big deal, ditto for Princeton. Those are excellent things, but to make those things a measure of worth - that is a terrible mistake. Ultimately Lord, You are the measure of all things - You alone determine worth and value.

Lord, You also know that i’m feeling tired, lately. I’m tired of running around places, i’m tired of thinking of ideas that don’t work out, i’m feeling kinda stretched, psychologically, academically, emotionally. I never took cues from people until now, and i realised how much i had to give and i’m thinking that its not worth it. i never met anyone’s social expectations, and i’m thinking if there are other ways to build relationships. I’m not going to compare myself with other people, but sacrifices have to be made to do that, and I’m realising that i’m not prepared to make those sacrifices... i mean, quiet time at the expense of group studying with precious friends? Thats a really tough choice. I’ve juggled too many things than my hands can manage, and now many of them are dropping splat on the floor. I’m tired of journeys to cell groups, tired of traveling home from PGP, tired from flying, just tired. I’m tired of thinking about writing projects, tired of thinking about my undergrad life, tired about whether to go for exchange... tired of ...

Its not that I don’t want to do these things, its that... there are just so many things to think about, and they are all important one way or another. And I can’t find that balance... balance means cutting back on somethings while doing more of others. I know I can’t hang out with my precious friends all the time because we ultimately live different lives. I have my own agendas, for good or for bad, and these agendas get in the way of time.

The larger picture: I am still learning. I learnt alot last semester, and God is just pushing my learning alot more. The more i learn, the more trials there’ll be, and things will just get harder hereon. Right now, it feels that a re-dedication of my life is in order, that despite the plans that I have, only God knows how things will turn out. Lord I give You my plans, my studies, my relationships, my life at church, my family, all unto Your hands. All my plans are naught - they won’t come into fruition unless You will them to. Lord I dedicate my undergrad life to You, that unless You say so, I will not do post-grad. If You do want me to do post-grad, You have the freedom to send to any university... Even my affinity with USP - Lord its also dedicated to You. You know that I’ve been inspired by the experience at Princeton, and You know my desires to see NUS becoming a better institution, ditto for USP.

As for the other areas of my life, Father, You have full freedom to do what You need to do in my life. I will protest, I will struggle, but Lord, i know deep down its necessary. So come in Father. Come into my life once again. and again and again.

night of first recollections from NY/Princeton

The trip to New York and Princeton now feels as if it happened a lifetime away. Such is the working of human memory. I had already worked on another piece of thoughtful analyses, but this ad-hoc, impromptu one will do for now.

I remember walking on the streets of NY and suddenly feeling so small. It seems like NY was the world, and it was only then that I began to understand a bit of what it meant in the world and learning to figure out its vastness and accepting it. I still get that feeling now, especially as I participate in the teeny conference and coming to realise what the world means through the eyes of Americans, especially from students.

Back to NY. NY is such vibrant place, especially when one walks around Times Square, eat in its restaurant, watches the plays on Broadway, riding on the subway, arriving at Grand Central, to see the architecture of the 18th centry and the 21st century. I was at the Empire State Building, and all of NY was spread out before...

It is a city that is alive in the flows of people. NY is always young, never really ageing as immigration continues, as people keep coming in fresh from their previous contexts and adding something to NY both good and bad. It is a city that always 'moves on', never really staying in the present, but always moving. I didn't realise that NY had moved on from 9-11, and the makeshift temporary memorial park is gone, instead, it has already started rebuilding. Even that place of tragedy is now alive, with cranes and other construction material even possibly healing the sore wound of NY's soul, that though it will heal, the marks will remain, but all of these is a testament to the resilience of a city. Could Singapore survive a physical attack to its CBD? I leave that as an open question.

I walk down Fifth Avenue, walked through UN HQ, tried to go to the HQ of the TED Conferences (didn't work out), and everywhere there is this sense of *life*... Things are always moving, dazzling, even in the day, images all vying for attention. But I guess after a while, you get tired of such things. I would say that I felt similar vibes at a condo that overlooked Singapore's CBD.

NY doesn't represent America, but I think it represents, what the world thinks of America - a huge diverse place, full of life and energy. In other words, it represents the American Dream.

So yeah. That was NY. Princeton was another experience.

Princeton is a beautiful campus. Every inch of that spot seems dripping with history, with even the brick sometimes dedicated to a person, or by a class. These institutions have wonderful alumnus support, which explains the dedication and the endowment that they have. All that said, the people there aren't really that superior. After a while, I begin to realise that its not about the student, actually, its about the culture and the opportunities that students have. I took a picture of summer opportunities, and its simply amazing. The Ivies themselves have tremendous opportunities summer exchanges with each other - I think about Singapore and I wonder whether NUS would think about summer classes with NTU, and vice versa. Both universities have strengths and weaknesses, and it doesn't seem too weird an idea for the two institutions to compliment each other. It isn't all about competition, its also about cooperation, not just at the staff/research level, but also at the student level. I just don't get it - don't understand...

And then the other thing is about the attitude of education. While many people both in the US and Singapore just think about getting a bachelors and be done with it, the difference (seemingly) in the top universities is that they have people who really are passionate about what they are learning, and they will want to go on learning and learning... Its not about getting a degree so you can find a job, for many of these people, lifelong learning is itself a job - and it is that passion that makes them want to take up opportunities, push themselves, and become the best that they can be. They are persistent, disciplined, and work tireless towards their objectives (add having fun with friends in the process). There really is no secret to success, or *things to do* and all. The self-help books, as I realise are complete shit. All there are to success - persistence, discipline, passion. As a comparison, I could possibly say that USP is to NUS what the Ivies/top unis are to the whole system of higher education.

(I come back to NUS more eager to be what I can possibly could be. )

techie

1. Facebook is no longer just a *social network*. It is now a platform which has its own Facebook-verse, which is on its own trajectory that might not correspond to reality.

2. Wouldn't it be cool to have a *smart camera*, a camera that will tell you information on the *things* that you are taking?

princeton is snowing...

Lord, I thank You that today, You made it snow over Princeton. But Lord, I want to come back to You, that even though You have been with me all this time in Princeton, I seemed to have ignored Your presence, and it took You to fulfill another one of my childhood dreams to *wake up* from my spiritual sleepiness. Lord, give the grace to stoke the spiritual flames of my heart once again, and bring me back to You. Yes Lord, even good things can be judgments. Lord, help me to pray everyday.