hee... here i go again...

this is about how i feel towards someone....

what is the thin line that separates friendship and romance? how is it defined? maybe i read too much into somethings, but there are just some stuff that i cannot ignore... and i wonder if a platonic friendship is really possible.. because all it takes is for one party to over-step a certain boundary and to claim love for the other person... so now.. i dunno where i stand, because when i think of that person, different emotions come up and i dunno which to react to.... because i 've been receiving mixed signals, i'm not sure how to react... how am i suppose to judge when all the feelings feel equally strong?

God, help me to know....

the present moment

today, i published more than one post cos i thought that i needed to have some content for my blog.. ok... i realised that i'm a sort of chameleon.... something... like that... i am different around different people... its like.. having the same standard package but with different extras.... in school, at home, with friends and being alone.. i guess they all bring out something different in me... in school, i just try to communicate...and with some friends its all fun and laughter....

today with that girl was just funny, because every few sentences was punctuated by laughter...(got pinched cos she claimed that i was playing with her.. got stuck while pronouncing 'harrrrrr.......... harp'..) sometimes, i'm a little bit humourous but thats something else...

alone with myself makes me introspective and reflective, and when i'm running i start to think really a lot... some of my ideas came from cooling after running, when the heart is still beating fast...

at home, i'm just trying to do my own things, exerting my independence a little bit.. and with my bro around, i become a little bit aggressive and more hostile... at the same time, i become more controlled and aware of all my emotions.... feeling raw anger can make one feel powerful... but power corrupts... so.. i have to be more careful...

so... thats all.. i guess... maybe will post something soon...

thoughts in me head...

my head and my mind are a little bit screwed, a bit not tuned to the right frequency? or just loose bolts...? hmm...earlier on, was on the train with a girl, and i was looking at her face, and i suddenly remembered a strange dream i had...

i was in an enclosed space with another person... and i couldn't see, but i could recognize a silhouette in the background. it was at first from far away, but it was nearing me. then, i saw a girl approaching me... and we kissed.... errgh...

that dream was so real i felt awake in it.. could almost open my eyes and see the windows near my bed. in fact, for a while, i could have been in 2 worlds, as two images, real and virtual superimposing on each other. and so, that girl on the train.... had that thought in me head, but i put a gunshot through that thought, and that was that...

suddenly realised that i hadn't been putting gunshots through my perverse thoughts.. hope i dun have to use the gunshot that often...

thursday

have many things to catch up with....

a couple of days ago... probably monday or tuesday, i saw dragonflies. it felt special for me so i put 'dragonfly' into my head. because i suddenly liked dragonflies, i decided to use it as a title for something. the puddles formed from the rain, the water on the leaves, attract dragonflies. so, i could say that dragonflies come after a heavy downpour, when there is nothing that does not have moisture. and now its the monsoon, so i guess i'm going to see quite a lot of dragonflies everywhere. and this monsoon starts at the end of the year, so indirectly, the appearance of these dragonflies sorta signal the end of the year. ok.. so.. the title 'dragonfly' is going to represent the end of the year.. for something... ok... 'dragonfly' is going to be a new writing project, and its going to be the first one where i thought of the title first... yeah.. no more mental block to think for the title...

wassup with today?

man.. i suck a lot.. i'm not as strong as i thought i would be... gotta lot to catch up on with my physique.. sigh...gym made me quads fatigue with lactic... i never liked gym training... i prefer just running on the track... but now that i've committed myself to track, i had better go through with everything... so.. i almost had cramps as i did the striding. couldn't go down to a minimum level otherwise would have buckled and collapse. "i'm just weak".... gotta be stronger...