this is probably the last blog before my exams, given by erratic blogging, because my mind is now tied up in the exam endeavour. been reading stuff again. here just to give an account of myself here in blogspot.com.
think i'll discontinue blogging since i dun see the point of it. yup... just thinking about it. not sure when i'll think about blogging again..
i hope blogger is working now, so i can raelly post what i wanted to post a while ago..
blogs shouldn't be an extension of personal space. that much is clear. so, from now on, i wun tantalize people with personal details... reserve that for ordinary conversation.
now, what i really want to talk about is books. I have plenty..! there's end of history, which talks about liberal democracy, "lexus and the olive tree' and the 'world is flat', regarding globalisation, "commanding heights"-economics history, "wealth and poverty of nations", more economics, "the end of poverty", self explanatory-concrete steps for poverty alleviation, "clash of civilisation" the landmark tome on changes in the world order, "Rise and fall of great powers", regarding economics and world power, "collapse" about environmental issues and human progress, the prelude was "guns germs and steel". about asia, i have "thunder from the east" and china specifically, i have "china wakes", not forgetting the original book which set me going "the corporation", the critique of the modern day corporation as an institution of economics. there are other books that i have, but, that's for another time...
gasp..! its barely a week to my A'levels! and i'm still here blogging!
don't panic, cos i'm not. its ok, as long as i do my work, i'll be alright..
anyway, get the feeling that lotsa opportunites are coming my way, owing to my prodigious knowledge.. can't believe that "End of history" is actually an S paper history book.. muahaha... i feel cool...
but i believe the knowledge comes with a responsibility.... and the knowledge that there is a misunderstanding between different churches compells me to do something about it..
anyway, met with melvin, and it feels so nice to know that now there is one more person on earth who can understand the stuff that i'm quietly going through everyday...
silent waters run deep...
AND WHY THE HECK IS MY BLOGSPOT PAGE IN CHINESE?
here i am, at the lib, blogging, one of the most irritating things being that i have no access to any USB drives so i can upload some stuff onto the net... anyway, having my prelims now, rather, my prelims are ending now, with 2 papers left. haha.. and its just chem..maths and physics, not to mention Gp were all terrible, and i just can't wait for A's... but first got to prepare again, duh.. then, where's the ammo? not expecting the content to drop from the sky. haha.. what has my memory got to say to that? anyway, got more ideas, and more excited to share with people. wait till i get to 3rd september, thats when i'm gonna arrive.. hahaha.. just kidding.. think about it.. how about 'integration' being the singapore way? haha.. i mean.. i think its cool.. ooh.. wait... how about.. building a space launch facility right here in SEA? haha.. compete with the ESA's launch facility in Guiana.. that'll be damn cool.. think about it, how much it'll rock..?? haha.. those are just fancy ideas.. and if you haven't figure it out, i'm rambling.. new pc, new pc..!!!
i would just want to say that i'm an extremely lucky person. or, i think God is really watching over me. i lose my shoe bag twice in school and manage to find it back, then i lost my thumbridve, thought i'd lose it forever, until i retrieve it from the school library.. praise be to God! but losing things has been a habit for me, in large part due to my absent-mindedness. but... i'm so happy....
DY’s hands were in a level, indicating a standard benchmark that he was aiming for. And he should, Marie thought. She knew of few others who would go that extra distance in doing research for a certain topic. It was always DY, who seemed to have info on his fingertips. Something like computer memory. Always accessible…
There were so many likeable qualities about DY, but there was something about his social life, or his social manners, that didn’t got the attention of girls. Maybe he was always that little eccentric, a little bit off tangent when he was with others in a group. But he was always able to provide some kind of humour, no matter how esoteric, he would manage to get his jokes out half the time. Perhaps he should belong with intellectuals… he was always the serious type, and it didn’t occur to others that this was how DY ‘relax’, by thinking, or reading, or doing some other intellectual stuff. To others, the so called, method of relaxation was just surfing for fun on the Internet, or playing some cool games on the Xbox or Playstation. But DY didn’t have those. He just preferred to read and write. DY had been writing for quite a while now, the habit having originated from a need to record his ideas. And so he was, always slight off-beat, a little bit odd, but likeable all the same.
All this Marie thought. But there was something else too. He always that extra step ahead of others, because he knew his own way. He knew the road he was taking, while others were still lost in their deliberations. There was always that bit of an impulsive streak in him, to do the thing that he wants to do, no matter the consequence, JUST TO GET THERE. But most times, he was docile, just another friendly guy you wouldn’t mind having among your clique of friends. A little bit like Forrest Gump, in this respect, having that moral compass that wouldn’t budge. Maybe a smart version of Forrest Gump, to put it in a way. Maybe, just maybe, a Forrest Gump looking for his Jenny, no matter what Jenny became. A constant in a world of change…
But all DY was thinking of all this while, was, just, how beautiful Marie looked. Marie was wearing a tight short sleeved shirt, a V-neck that didn’t plunge too far down. It was in a pastel red, with some girl-feminine design befitting her age. She had some cleavage, but that was irrelevant. Her hair barely caressed her back, but it definitely went below the shoulder. Simple earrings, not too dangly, ending with what looked pearls. It was simple, nothing too gaudy, just everything that suited her. She was wearing a denim skirt that was layered and ended with many flares, no, not flares, that frilly lacey thingy that DY didn’t know the exact term for it. She was wearing heels with a low stiletto. Did you call them high heels? I dunno… he looked at himself and was a little bit ashamed. Compared to Marie, he was something like some other guy to be seen down the street. Even the other guys in his neighbourhood know how to dress better when you go to somewhere as full of style as Orchard Road. Just a jersey shirt he had bought from a clearance sale, white with orange and blue at the flanks, supposedly for ventilation. It was thin, but it was opaque enough that his slightly tanned body wasn’t visible. He was wearing his long Bermudas and it matched his long legs. And specs. He still wore specs in an era of contact lens. His misshapen feet, from a childhood accident, all too visible from his scandals. Perhaps the only thing that could barely be considered ‘style’ was a $130 swatch watch that he had gotten as a birthday present. But that thing of silver didn’t escape the DY’s rough use. The glass was cracked, and smeared with street paint. It wasn’t that DY didn’t appreciate the watch. He loved it. It was just…him, for him to treat things like that. The books that he had bought all had dog ears, victims of rough handling. There was hardly anything belonging to DY that wasn’t ill-treated, even his precious notebooks.
What are you looking at? Marie smiled.
Erm, you mind if I say this? I was just thinking, it seems that girls always know how to dress better than guys. Look at me, and look at yourself. I can feel this great difference. Aww, this is just crap…
Its alright lar. I was going out with my friends… and you were just out studying… hey, relax, its alright…
DY smiled a little… Even during prom… the girls always looked marvelous. I wouldn’t know what to dress for prom…
Marie laughed… some guys look good too, you know, I’ve seen some guys who really know how to dress…
Lucky them… looks like girls develop fashion maturity faster… haha… more laughter.
The night wasn’t getting any younger for the both of them. Oh! Look at the time now. I have to go now. You?
Oh, yar, guess I need to go too, then.
Going to the MRT?
Yar. Guess we’ll go together then…
And so, both of them walked together, side by side, their arms close by but not touching, and all there was between them was the charm of their friendship. But it didn’t end there actually.
DY, you’re a Christian rite?
Yar, I guess…
My church has an event this hols. Here. In her hands was an invitation postcard, or something like that. If you’re free, maybe you can come. I’m in it… hee…
(Oh God, thank You for not ending the meeting here…phew…!) hmm, I’ll go if I can (of course I’ll go, ‘cause you’re in it…) will I get to see you after the whole thing, like a meal or something?
I dunno, maybe…
(Oh God, thank You again, for not closing anything…) though he knew, most likely, there’s no chance at all of anything happening. DY was in a fix. He didn’t know whether to give this relationship a chance, or whether he should just innocently let it go, letting them stay as friends-platonic friendship or whatever crap it was described as.
And so he parted from her, as he saw her farewell from outside the train. Oh crap! I’m so stupid. I should’ve just stayed with her till her stop. Poor guy. He took out his handphone and entered the message.
“Hey Marie, thanks for the night. Would have been lonely having coffee alone. Enjoyed your company very much. Maybe we’ll meet again sometime? Take care and God bless…”
soon after, came the reply.
“Hiya! Same here, its been wonderful. Thanks to you too! Take care too! Goodnight!”
Marie had decided not to go too far down the road of intimate phrases. Her heart was light, almost fluttery as she looked forward to a goodnight’s rest… thus ended, this night of rekindled relationships…
I never intended a chapter 2 for gibbergibber, but since I got the ball rolling, might as well…
The previous chapter ended with DY and Marie safely home from their unintended meeting. The story follows them home, with both of them thinking about their lives so far…
DY is at home, relaxing by being brain dead watching some cartoon. He likes it this way. He switches the channel when its some cringing commercial. Here comes one. Switch. News. Headlines. Blah-blah, jabber-jabber-jabber. The newscaster is talking way fast. Though DY knows what the news is, he refuses to think about the news. He thinks he has lingered enough time on news. Switch. Bright colours, silly characters. He knows that it’s the right channel, and it’s the right cartoon. DY smiles. Its fun to act like an idiot sometimes. his hand reaches for a cup of water on his right. Sip. Sip again. Thirst gratified. Aarrh… what a holiday.
Marie is different. She is being studious, not quite the way you are thinking. Yes, she is poring over notes, but not exactly the notes you think it is. No, she is not poring over some scientific diagram, or some equation, mathematical or otherwise. No. there’s colour. The paper is of high quality acid-free paper. The pages on these ‘notes’ are sharp, that’s because they are brand new. And the binding is thick too. Woah… you’d think she’s trying to study a lot. Yes. At least that’s right. She’s being meticulous. She is doing transcription. Copying some of the stuff she’s reading into a little notebook. Drawing a little, writing a lot. She is now looking what looks barely like the symbol of infinity, though with straight lines joining to it. Straight lines, and perpendicular too. But the infinity symbol is only part of the image. There are points of convergence, meant for the lines to join together. And its 3-dimension. But not all the images are the same. Some have lines, while others depend on the power of adhesion. Ooh. They have curvature too. All of them, with no exception, the curvature is positive. Its convex. But only from one perspective. From the inside, you would see the converse, a concave surface. Lingerie. Marie is looking at kinky kooky sexy naughty bitchy lingerie. Her eyes are bewildered she has rarely seen such varieties of lingerie, of such colour, styles, and design.
.... till next time.. haha..
i don't know why, but the words 'let the rain fall' got stuck on my head over and over again. there was little of a tune, so i didn't know what song it was from... i know there must be a song somewhere with those words, but anyway, it just repeats like some mantra from i don't know where... anyway here i am in school, coping with school work and daily asking myself whether or not i should do 2 majors in university.. haha.. political science and chemistry. political science for journalism or chemistry and apply weird geometries to molecules.. haha... but anyway, been asking God everyday, so.. its all in HIs hands..
finished harry potter, and a couple of other books. been reading stuff on international relations, globalization and terrorism. been also looking iupac, research journals and textbooks. so... not that i'm divided into 2 academically, but i have to focus on NOW, ie, the A levels. gotta clear that well to do the OTHER STUFF. been asking shaun, my classmate some questions, like.... what is the destination of human endeavour? and... how about a new international/human synthesis.... how to link every topic with one another. its more than globalization.. it is human at its centre. its about ourselves.. anyway... thats my usual... -thinking big- its a habit. been doing that ever since 4-5 years ago. its a habit... and how i did that.... i dunno. will have to look up my past to answer that.. thot i found it from a dialouge in sphere, about 'the people who did great things accomplished them before they were 30'.. so i started the clock.. haha... anyway... all in time.. all in time..
today is my bro's birthday... happy birthday bro.. haha.. but he won't be reading this so he won't know.. haha... 25 now..
anyway, i'v more or less exhausted my search on the web for silicon compounds. i found a textbook, but i have to buy it, or try to get it from somewhere else to photocopy. err.. so, i have decided to stop my research and focus on A'levels, which is a more sensible thing to do, i guess..
thank you melvin! haha.. nice guy.. and i should think less for a little bit.. yar... like think less on chemsitry(the out-of-syllabus stuff) and maybe think less 'big'.. read clash of civilizations. when i got to the part about ethnic conflict, i sorta teared a little and i don't really know why. probably felt a little sad that we're in this so called 'modern world', yet we wre still killing for the simple reason that 'they are not one of us...'.......... somehow, i felt as if i should do something about it but i'm not sure if that was the actual message.. anyway, less thinking on that, and i need to do real work for my gp, which is sucking for reasons unknown. probably because i haven't been putting enough real effort. write and write. man... i really need to draw up a time table.. probably would do gp on saturday night.. haha..
anyway... was thinking again.... i should be happy when my friends find happiness in their own ways.. yar. guess i should stop brooding on some other certain things which really are real consequence to me.. not that i'm feeling jealous.. haha.. maybe i should really get down on writing 'the best man, not the groom'... hahahahahha....
guess i should be posting the next part of the story huh? haha...
Yar. There’s no other place for me to go…
Hmm, I’m going to just chill over a cup of coffee nearby. I hope it’s not too packed. I really need a place where I can sit down and rest. you wanna come along? (oh please, say yes…)
Marie could almost hear the yes thumping in her heart, as if her very life was dependent upon that answer. What if she refused? No. she could not think of a refusal. She could hear the desire of DY’s heart, as if wanting to do something more than just coffee. Was it his heartbeat, or mine? She could not tell, the noise of the traffic around them drowning out their voices. But not the voice between their hearts. So she muttered, sure, why not, and it seemed that something was about to burst, to both of them. No, it wasn’t that they were in love or anything like that, but they now had each other for the night, just company, and nothing more, but nothing less, just the innocence of presence of one another.
They had their little stroll, side by side, to a café. There were 2 empty red velvet couches, and they sat on down, their legs allowed to rest. so, do you want me to order anything for you?
Is it my prerogative? Should I enjoy being a girl, and let a guy do this for me, just because I’m a girl? Nah, I’d better not trouble him.
No, you go ahead first. I’ll wait for you.
Ok then, I’ll go first…
She was lying in the couch, starting to close her eyes, her most traumatic experience coming over her again. She was back in her beach, and she could almost smell the scent of seawater, though the air around her really permeated the aroma of coffee. no. she was not in the café anymore. She was at the beach. And right in front of her was the guy who she thought had been right for her. The right guy. His hands were at her waist, her back was to a tree. It had been a barbeque for her friends, and the 2 were alone. the last rays of the sun was shining unto their faces, now gold and shimmering in the dying light. And so, both, as precious as gold to each other, more so, their love. It had been true love, or was it true, or was it love? She couldn’t tell anymore. But the best moments did not last. The nightmare began to creep in as his hands had moved a little north, where her strap was. As they kissed, she felt something loosen in her clothing. Her anxiety, misinterpreted to him as passion, made him a little more aroused, and so it seemed. She started to struggle, and managed to break free. Her face, red and flustered. She managed to barely wriggle out of his well-built physique. She didn’t even know what to do. Confused, she looked at him again. His face was barely apologetic though an apology would matter.
So! This was how it is, isn’t it? Just a pretty face?
I thought it was love!
After that, she took her stuff, and left his life.
None of her friends really knew what happened that caused the break-up. She had never mentioned it, because of the intense emotions, and she did not want to revisit the memories. There was too much pain and anger. the mere mention of the incident was enough to stir that explosive mixture. As DY came back with his order, she hurriedly buried those memories with the present, wiped away some of her tears, and smiled as DY came to seat. But it was futile. DY had known what had happened. He had cast one of those of his sideward glances, glances sharp enough to notice what happens to someone. His glance had caught Marie in her mid-sleep tearing, as he thought she heard some slight sobbing coming from her. So, something caused you to cry and he don’t want anyone to know, well, I’ll keep that in mind…
Hey, it’s your turn to go order. Go, go, go! Don’t stay stunned here. Or you still want me to order for you?
Nah, its ok. Thanks anyway though.
She left her seat, as hurriedly as she said those words, eager to excuse herself from her own awkwardness. A thought suddenly rose up within her, as if wanting to tell DY what happened. But should she? That incident happened in another time, and in another place, and it did not relate to DY anyhow. So, why tell? Because he treats you like a sister, is that it? She was surprised, that she managed to find the right terms to describe their relationships. Nothing intimate, but friends, maybe, just that little bit more? Aargh… words are just words, they don’t really matter sometimes. All she had to know, was the comfort derived from his presence…
She was a little dazed when the assistant asked for her order. She looked around the notices and menus, and settled on some ice blended chocolate frappucino, with cream, thank you. Anything else? No, thanks.
She went over to the pick up counter, waiting for her order to be made. While waiting, she saw DY writing. That quaint little hobby of writing, that had stuck with DY all the time she’d known him. It was all the more reassuring, looking at this guy who barely changed over the past few years. And here he was, relaxing over his hot vanilla, writing, in his near-illegible handwriting that he was poked fun of.
Miss, your frappucino? Thank you.
She took her order and went back to the seat.
Hey, what are you writing? She was curious, as she always was, when she knew words were being written. Those were the days, when it seemed DY would write some bit of prose, and show it to those around him. It was fun sometimes, to see someone come up with something new and original, and it was kind of appealing, it seemed, as if having some writer in your midst. At least, that was how she saw him. Like an uncut diamond that was already sparkling. Just that little polish here and there, and presto! Surely, one of the most beautiful diamond. DY had always shown some measure of what, brilliance?, genius?, whatever you called it, that something extra?. Though mediocre as he would be sometimes, it was given, that given time, DY would go on and do something remarkable. Or so it seemed to her.
She could barely see the words that he was writing now. But it was obvious that DY was in some sort of a frenzy, because he was trying to get the words down as fast as he could, as if he would lose his thought if he didn’t.
Oh, what am I writing now? Nothing really, just something of what happened today. Kind of private. But she had already glimpsed those words.
‘Who would’ve thought that you would meet your old classmate? Thank God I met her today.’
She couldn’t read on, as DY had already finished writing and had closed his notebook, a green Azone ring-bound note book. Her heart was smiling, no, she was smiling, she was happy, that someone would write something like that. DY had felt that those memories were worth writing about! Woah!
DY could see that she was happy. Woman/girls are really strange creatures, he thought. Tearing one moment, happy the next. Bah. Whatever, it just doesn’t matter at all.
Both weren’t talking, but it seemed that the silence was being filled by the smiles of their face. Love was NOT in the air. So, how are you now? Please don’t say ‘fine’… DY had fired off first, wanting to ride on the feeling of pleasantness.
I’ve been… alright. School’s alright. Getting B’s and C’s, hoping to get A’s though… my class if fine, we are getting along nicely. The teachers aren’t really fantastic but they do their job lar. But my GP teacher has been really wonderful. I think I should get at least a B for that.
Your CCA?
Oh, Council is busy, but its alright, I mean, I can still manage my Council stuff along with the rest of my school work. everything is fine lar. And you? I heard your college did quite alright for the A’ levels siah… is the school pressuring your batch to keep up?
Aiyah, just a lot of crap lar. Nothing much. Just try my best. Doesn’t matter lar. My schoolwork’s alright too. I’m doing well in my best subjects. Chemistry. Hee… I’m confident. Nothing less than an A. then the rest, erm, can improve lar. Physics still can, but my GP is screwing up and I don’t know why. But trying to get there.
the following was what i wrote out of boredom during the holidays. evidently i haven't be able to expand the story.. i wish it wouldn't be so one-dimensional... sigh... i'm gonna need more imagination.. hahahha... but i realise that the story is kinda long to be seen on my interface... one day i'll find the time to familiarize myself with the javascript and stuff.. haha..
if you were really keen on reading it, you should print this page to spare your eyes for myopic horror... you have been warned!! hahaha.....
so here goes the story..
Its time, baby, to just write once again.
She was alone, uncommon for a teenage girl to be outside alone. She had long separated from her friends, when her friends had to go somewhere else, a place she didn’t like to go. She had her own opinions about what was good and what was not, and so, she had stayed true to herself, whatever that had meant. No, she wasn’t going to sacrifice her principles for a night of jaunt (fun).
Now Marie, now, what have you got yourself into? It was night, but it was crowded on these streets that she was walking on. It was a holiday crowd, full of teenagers like herself pacing about on the sidewalks and pavements in groups, jolly groups, seeking just fun, for the fun, for the sake of it. These people, she thought, had no aim, and are just wandering on the streets. But at least they are together. But me? What am I doing here, alone? I am not lost, I know my way, but I don’t know where to go. Is this equivalent to lost?
The bright lights of the shops clamoured for her attention. She was attracted to it, to the displays, showing supposedly, the ‘summer trends’, or what everyone should be wearing this time of the year. She paid her attention on all these, and looking again, at the clothes that she wore. The bright patterns, of varying shades of blue, yellow, reds, with images of a sunny beach and rustling leaves, all made her think of the sunny beach. The surf, or ‘surf up the waves’, kind of concept. She knew, and she saw through it, yet nonetheless, she was seduced by it. But the beach she had known was not the one her mind perpetuated from the images of the shops. To her, the beach was a place of the fondest memories, yet also, the place of her deepest sadness.
And so, her heart longed for the beach, to see the Prussian blue night punctuated by the lights of the ships anchored on the shores of this island. It was not perfect, not the pretty city skylight, but it was perfect enough for her. But was it really where I wanted to go? Her home was not far from the beach, and she toyed with idea of going to the place of her deepest memories, and those memories were taunting her, making her smile and cry. Its times like this that I don’t know whether to follow my heart. Father, lead me to where You want me to go. She muttered a little prayer. Stay child, stay for a little while.
She wandered once again, brushing against the arms and shoulders of the crowd. Her pace was slow, as if afraid, uncertain of what to expect on the very next step. But with every step, it seemed to her, more and more evident that something good should be happening soon. But what? She didn’t know. How would a night of melancholy suddenly become a night of optimism?
She thought again, of the night that she was in the midst of. All had been fine. She was with her friends, all girls, doing a little retail therapy during the weekend, when one of them had mooted the idea of a k-box session. Marie was not predisposed with the idea; a bad experience during one of this session had ensured that she would put off k-box for a while. As her friends became more serious with k-box, so Marie became more sure that she was not going to be with them. So it had to be, that she was going to be alone tonight, while her friends enjoyed their own company, without Marie.
So Marie, what are you expecting? A miracle? She kept on her little steps, until she bumped into someone, right in front of her. She had bumped into a guy. Not a boy, because he was definitely a teenager, and definitely not a man, so it was, a guy. There was something about the guy that she thought was familiar…
Marie, hey! You do know me, right? I’m DY, your secondary school classmate. Must have been a long time ago when we last took our O’levels…
She gasped a little, as she heard her name being mentioned. And from the same secondary school? Oh my goodness, and I didn’t noticed?
Hey, I saw you walking all the way back there, and you didn’t even noticed me. Guess you were in your thoughts. Where are you going?
She had to take all these in, the initial shock still going through her system. Oh, it’s you! She was equally surprised, and sort of glad. Father, is this what You have in store for me? I can’t believe it!
How have you been? She was beginning to recover, and even thought of holding his hand or something, something more substantial, but then she thought not.
You’ve changed. Marie, changed. I could hardly recognize you. If not for your eyes, your eyes gave you away. It had to be you. No one else had the eyes like yours. Without knowing, DY had looked into Marie for a little while too long that he had forgotten to snap out of his daze.
Hey DY, what are you looking at?
Oh nothing, just realizing how much you’ve changed, how it seemed that you’ve grown so much, while I’m still more or less the same guy I was when we first knew each other…
For the moment, Marie was just glad that she had found someone she knew, no matter how distant the person had been. It just doesn’t matter. What matters now, is the moment I have, with a friend.
Oh, what are you doing down here? Its already quite late, isn’t it?
DY moved his hands a little, indicating that small pile of books he had that was lying in his hands.
Studying…Exams not too far away, starting to mug a little…
Marie already knew. She looked at his glasses. Slim though they were, they were actually ultra-thin glasses, hiding the fact that his myopia was actually in the region of 500+. She had always known that DY was something of a study nut, and always thought he was a little odd. A character always seemingly out of sync with the moving crowd. But that was just how he was, all the time. She had grown used to him, and was thinking about the times DY was tutoring her for a little while. But she knew that DY was just the guy there, whom anyone could turn to. She had turned to him for a while, after her heartbreak by her beach. Time does not heal all wounds. A good friend and time, heals all wounds. Good friends, that’s all they were. Nothing less, but nothing more either.
DY looked at Marie for another while, this time, wholly aware that Marie was in front of her. No wonder I had this little crush episode on her. But that was so many years ago, and he cringed at the bare mention of it. She had known, on some level, I think that I was just that little bit more interested in her in being more than just a friend. Had she known? She must have. I thought girls always had that whatever-sense, and they’d know. But did she really know? Aww, it doesn’t matter NO MORE. Its all in the past. Really, what were the chances that I would bump into her tonight?
Marie, then what are you doing here?
She looked at DY. Her face was fixated in a smile, her mind still saturated with the joy upon meeting him. I thought I was just walking around, you know, window shop a little. So many offers, you know, so little time. She couldn’t think of what else to say to him. She didn’t have to tell him the truth, all she had to do was to present the façade, that’s all. The rest is up to him. But he was laughing, had he seen through that pathetic attempt at lying?
Really? I don’t believe. Oh please, where are your friends? People like you don’t come out ALONE? Where did they go, you didn’t follow?
Marie was relieved, that she didn’t had to put on her mask on. She had done so much pretending with her snob-posh friends that she was tired. But she knew that with him, her self, no matter how broken or how lost, at least she had him. The simple guy who always knew what to do, all the time, who didn’t care what the situation was, who just didn’t need to know. It seemed his simple soul was able to see through it all, all the manifestations of truth, had some sort of an x-ray vision that did not care for the untruths and coverings, or any pretension, no matter how sophisticated. In that sense, she had loved him, just that little bit more than a friend, yet nothing less as well.
She recounted her little tale, how she had blatantly refused to be with her friends at a simple thing as k-box, as she could never immerse herself in it. Maybe she was just tired, and didn’t want to go. Maybe, despite her looking like a page from a fashion magazine, no, she just wasn’t quite used to it. All the maybes, coming out of her mouth.
So, you don’t know where to go?
The usual insight, the conclusion at the end of a grandiose idea, the summary, that key idea. That was how it was, once again. It was just pure DY again. She looked into his eyes, and for that moment, her fragile world became irrelevant, by just looking at his eyes.
if you've stayed long enough.. you can rest your eyes now.. you've should've just followed my advice and waste some paper... haha... nah.. just kidding...
its not the full thing, but i hope you liked it..
internet down, and so, using school's com...
almost as if i'm doing 2 more subjects.. haha.. doing political science and doing inorganic chem (oops, count as elective lar.. ) hahaha...
about my idea..
how about doing a christian report about the youth.. wouldn't that be nice? i would want to remove stereotypes about denominations and stuff.. hmm.. there are so many church movements, wouldn't it nice to know the different denominations and what they do?
haha.. talked to rajen, to to rosalind... and so far, its been positive. i really want to do this, because i believe that's what God wants me to do...
the next time, i'll try posting my shorts i wrote over the hols.. lame lame stuff tho...
to all you folks having exams.. haha... (ac no exams... only prelims and A's...)
all the best to your exams and God bless..!!
1. i thank God that i dun have to do hurdles this weekend, because i am not ready for it.. phew.. big sigh of relief..
2. i did a personal best on monday.. 42.67 yeah..!! i am so happy.. but my legs are still aching..!! arrgh...
i still want to thank God for so many things.. for the people in my life, for the friends that i've made, and i pray for the salvation of my parents..! sigh.. its so hard being a Christian sometimes.. sigh.. but its alright...
Dear God,
I want to thank you, for all the people in my life. So many times I have thanked You, and I will continue to do so long as I live. Lord, I don't really know why, but I want to thank You for the girls you have put into my life. There's xiaoping, my cell leader, there's Samantha, Shinuan, and now, the girls i've met in ACJC, Melanie, Elaine, and Vali. Lord, I want to thank You for placing them in my life. For Your purposes, let their lives glorify You, just as You have place them into my life for fulfilling Your plan for my life. Thank You Lord...
lord, take away this pain in my abdominals... i trust in you....
i shall not fear death, for even death shall not part me from your glory and power. i shall not fear. because my love is in you, and you have given me eternal life through your son. Let my life be the testament of your love, as you have loved us........
thank you God..!
there is no real truth in the world we live in. our world is subjected to relative truths, and these truths will not be, when there are changes in the world, and when there are changes in what we believe in. some of the things that we believe in, they are relative. these truths will not stand the changes of man. for even the monuments man has built will fade and crumble by the grind of time. so what is really true? haha... being a christian, the answer is God, duh.. haha...
really.. the world is just a facade...
i suddenly remembered that i need to buy jeffrey sachs's How To End Povety. i think its a cool book by one of the leading economists in our days. but i have to wait at least march 21st to get my hands on that book.. that means i can only get it on tuesday.. aww man.. that sucks a little, but i dun mind the patience.. haha..
that also reminds me to ponder the qns.. am i in love? has cupid struck me with an arrow? anyway.. that brings me to another point.. was just thinking, thinking, and then.. BANG
if God is fulfilling His purposes for us in our lives, then He is surely fulfilling the purposes of our friends in their lives. that means, we are part of God's purposes for our friends..!!
mind you, that means we have a responsibility for our friends... in all we do, i think that means we have to be a little bit conscious with what we do with our friends. its kinda like, thinking 'Dear God, by doing this, am i fulfilling Your purpose for my friend?"
so whoever is reading this blog.. hope you gain something this moment..
God switched on the light bulb in my head..!! haha..
this is sounding more and more like a diary.. haha.. with the dates as titles.. aww man.. aiyah.. just couldn't think of a title anyway, so just use the date lor...
anyway, there was a camp on mon and tuesday for track and i went there, and i think a lot of us had a lot of fun together. so, yar, it was nice.. haha... and then there's me becoming some funny guy.. i dunno.. but its alright.. i dun really mind becoming the target of jokes. its ok.. haha..
but there was some other thing that happened. i met up with a girl for some coffee and to study. and she was asking me this chem question. so she had come close to me, beside my seat. so she bent down a little and her face was just next to mine. it came to my attention that if i just turned my face a little, i could have just gave her a little peck on her cheek right there and then. yup.. a little kiss....... but nah... it wasn't the right time, nor was it the right place. besides, i dunno the girl well yet, so i better not do anything stupid. for example, tell her i like her.. my heart was just pounding so hard in my chest... but surprisingly for me, i could still be calm and still outside.. i could still study a little but most of the time, i was looking at the chemistry stuff she was working on. and i was about to become stupid and ask her: 'can i kiss you?'.... no way.. i was so, so restrained... i can't believe my self.......
but after all, i would like to thank God that i didn't do anything stupid and spoil this potentially wonderful friendship... haha...... nah.. its not rite that i say her name and spoil everything.. haha...
i decided to realize my dream of owning some econs books and went to grab a few... nah.. actually, it was a lot.. ended up buying $130 for 5 books.
1. adam smith
wealth of nations books 1-3
2. adam smith
wealth of nations books 4-5
3. joseph stiglitz
globalization and discontents
4. thomas friedman
lexus and the olive tree
5. daniel yergin and joseph stanislaw
the commanding heights, the battle for the world economy
me deciding whether to buy:
1. john maynard keynes
general theory of employment, interest and money
2. milton friedman
capitalism and freedom.
hmm... left with barely 50 to spend... should i buy? nah.. i decided. no.. its enough for now.. i probably have so much to read it'll keep me occupied for the next few months.. haha... when i'm done with the first five, then i'll decided whether to continue with the 2.. haha..
realizing that i haven been following up with my writing.. sigh.. the price to pay for reading.. aiyah.. why like that.... sigh.. sigh sigh..... i wanna write.. and continue..!!....
received my exam results... though not in entirety. A-ed chemistry and maths, which were within expectations, and F-ed physics, which was very below xpectations... sigh.. but i did A1-ed my chinese AO... hahaha.... yeah...!! more free periods..! haha.... more time to study physics...(need to do that...)..
so thank God for all the marvellous results, as well as the very bad ones... because we all have to thank God for the good things, and praise Him even for 'bad' things...
was very tired at track, so didn't get good timing.. sigh... chill.. there's still a little way to go... haha..
i wanna thank God for all the people i've met in my life... haha... not by chance, but by His will..!!
today is the last day of february. haha.. just another day really. not trying to sound too 'deep'. whatever that means.
had my prac today. nothing too difficult, just that it did not expect the prac to be so free of difficulties. yar. just 'no problem', i guess.
hmm.. i will not sound too 'deep'. should i make myself shallower? nah.. silent thoughts always run deep. sigh...
anyway, it was kinda silly for me, i guess, to always message this girl, apparently for nothing. does that mean its a crush? i think so... then again, i am trying to think nothing of it. because i dun want anything to 'really happen'.
i think God is trying to tell me of my purpose now... having this little tiny voice telling me to 'serve' but not specifying any details. i remember praying again and again that saturday night while celebrating Xiaoping's birthday and near the end of it, i realised that i had teared... i think its the first time that i had any tears after praying. maybe somehow....
i've had the little impression that i do not belong in the cell i am in. i dunno. i'm like a odd looking piece that doesn't seem to fit anywhere. no surprise that i'm a BIG loner. and i cover myself with a facade of goofiness especially with my bunny buck teeth and smiles, and weird humour. but then, i always manage to make people smile, because of who i am. like how i would endear myself to people i want to feel endearment for.
i can't help being myself to be a little more sincere? or a little bit more helpful, be the kinda guy whom everyone can talk to, because i have that bit of a universality?, or because of the kind of guy i am, which is ???
wondering if God is testing me, realising my weakness is for heterosexual perversion, by putting me in members of the opposite sex. i would like to think that i am doing fine on that test, as it has been such a while ever since any perverted thought came to me, so...... meanwhile, God has made me encounter another girl, whom i'm feeling that little bit touched............. God has put girls like that before. Samantha was one, and so was Merrini.. and now her........e................... ???
yawn..... so much for goofiness...
thank You, Jesus........................
sometimes, its so hard to believe that time can actually fly so fast. before one can actually grasp and take hold of it, it has already slipped the hands of the beholder.
although i had long been aware that time is so, so precious, and always aware that it is important not to take the moments for granted, it still seems so amazing to look back at things and look at how far, how advance, the passage of time, and the experiences that one has been through. already, i have lived 17 years of my life. 17... i can hardly imagine that period of time that i've gone through. its strange, that the present can sometimes seem so dreary and slow, only to wonder at how fast it has been. how come? how come our sense of time is so strange and perverted?
a little joke comes to my mind, about how einstein used to describe relativity, how 5 minutes looking at a girl can seem so short, and how 5 minutes can seem so long in a hot place..... though i can't remember the exact quotation, it doesn't matter. you who read will understand.
of course, from time to time, i will still look back and be amazed at the period of time that has just passed me by. its something that i do every now and then...
because life on Earth is only this short. I can hardly imagine eternity. No wonder God wants us to count our days, maybe wanting us to remember how short everything can be...
another thing... about festivities. I think that its important for everyone of us, in festivites to remember what the festitvities mean. because i get this feeling that a lot of us just go through the motions of what some festivities mean. maybe if we only take a little while to appreciate all that we celebrate. what do we celebrate in our festivities? what are the values worth celebrating? you who are going about, in a ritual or a festival of celebration, consider clearly what you hold dear and sacred to you, something that is inviolable in your moral system. and let it not be swayed by whatever that is influencing you to think otherwise.
Consider the diversity of our culture. For it cannot be taken for granted what holds us together in these times. There are precious little other places on Earth who do what we do here in Singapore. Appreciate what we have. it wun take too much of your time to consider what you truly hold dear to you...
let us not be hollows, without a core that is devoid of anything of substance. we have to remember somethings, and we have to remember them, and hold them dear to our heart...
been looking at the entries, and thinking about it, well, it appears that i only blog in every fortnight. haha.. guess my original plan to blog every week got thrown out of the window, just like bascially other plan that i had for my own life. oh well. things always change, and i always try to do the most important things, and blogging just doesn't happen to be out there up with my most important things to do. among them include:
1. study chemistry
2. study MORE chemistry
3. study physics
4. study more physics
5. write
6. write MORE
haha... its that simple. used to tell people that all i need are
1. pen
2. paper
3. running shoe
4. something science-y
yar..... yup..
i'm very much conflicted.
watchec michael moore the other day. and kinda set me thinking.
just what moral principles is the world running on?
hmm......................
because there is always some justification for some other action. so i guess that's why we have politicians, commentators, lawyers, essayist..... and... all the humanities people...
been recovering from an ankle injury, and starting light training to get my muscles get in the groove of training again.. haha.. thinking of not doing S paper, since its ultimately futile, and since i can get a little bit ahead if i studied stuff on my own.. haha...
i'm getting my groove back in writing.. and discovering literature myself in my own way... kinda liking the way i write...
something that could go..
'the radiance of the moon seemingly bursting from its surface, creating a halo for my astigmatized eyes... things can look more beautiful when they are blurred, when the details fade away...'
and forward on.. to my ideas... talking to shaun when i can, and start wrting some pseudo/quasi theses.. hahahaha.. that will be the day.. haha.>!!
taking advice from a friend, i will try my best not to tantalize readers with details about my personal life. from now on, i'll try focusing on my ideas about the world at large.
first of all, maybe i can start from my reading list, or the books i have in my mini-library. the first book that started me on this journey was "the Corporation", a critique about the modern institution of the corporation. The first idea was that-corporations exist with only profit on their mind. everything they do is based on the first central idea of profit-making. then, moved on to lexus and olive tree, which allowing with" clash of civilisations", provide good insights into the world we live today. Debates regarding the modern world revolve mostly around the ideas of these 2 books. so, to have a good grasp of the issues of the modern world, u could try starting with these books. The next book is the 'end of history', which adds to the paradgim of the above 2 books. following that, 'rise and fall of the great powers', and "wealth and poverty of nations" provides insights into the development of nations. for those who prefer more scientific analysis of the modern world, refer to jared diamond's "guns, germs and steel", and "collapse", the latter dealing with issues relating sustainable development, the former concentrating on the development of civilisation. The "end of poverty" provides the framework to end the extreme poverty and improve the lives of billions of people around the world. "commanding heights" provides insights regarding the development of the global economy, while The world is flat provides an elaboration of Lexus and the olive tree. Regarding asia and china, there are 2 wonderful books, "China Wakes" and "thunder from the east"..... and i think these are the basic books... go read them when u have the time...
haven't had free time to blog.. anyway... the week past has been much fun... i mean, i managed to do 9 x 200m twice in 1 week, once on monday, and on friday. wasn't too bad, and could see some improvements, but not much. erm.. lemme see, what else... ooh.. there's the current affairs thingy which i'm in.. and then, there's the part about doing 3-subjects that makes me quite free, with many slots free... and there's the other part about attempting chem-S paper, because i have an interest in chemistry, above all other considerations. really. cos i am doing 3-subjects now, there ain't a lot of points in attempting an S paper. but like i said, its the passion for chemistry, above all else...
hmm.. finished charlotte simmons, it was one heck of a book, picked up a lot of words, and adding to that is the realisation that i was able to relate quite a bit with the protagonist in the story... it was nice... and the words 'maladroit' seemed to fit me perfectly.
now trying to soak up some literature through by reading a book about 100 creative geniuses in literature. i never realised shakespeare was THAT influential in English literature... wow.. mind-blown away... haha...
because of the influence of Tom wolfe , and the way he wrote charlotte simmons, i feel more ready to write a little book... haha.. just a little thought...
thank YOU God...!! for the week that has past, and for the week that is ahead... amen..!!
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