july 15th

today is my bro's birthday... happy birthday bro.. haha.. but he won't be reading this so he won't know.. haha... 25 now..

anyway, i'v more or less exhausted my search on the web for silicon compounds. i found a textbook, but i have to buy it, or try to get it from somewhere else to photocopy. err.. so, i have decided to stop my research and focus on A'levels, which is a more sensible thing to do, i guess..

thank you melvin! haha.. nice guy.. and i should think less for a little bit.. yar... like think less on chemsitry(the out-of-syllabus stuff) and maybe think less 'big'.. read clash of civilizations. when i got to the part about ethnic conflict, i sorta teared a little and i don't really know why. probably felt a little sad that we're in this so called 'modern world', yet we wre still killing for the simple reason that 'they are not one of us...'.......... somehow, i felt as if i should do something about it but i'm not sure if that was the actual message.. anyway, less thinking on that, and i need to do real work for my gp, which is sucking for reasons unknown. probably because i haven't been putting enough real effort. write and write. man... i really need to draw up a time table.. probably would do gp on saturday night.. haha..

anyway... was thinking again.... i should be happy when my friends find happiness in their own ways.. yar. guess i should stop brooding on some other certain things which really are real consequence to me.. not that i'm feeling jealous.. haha.. maybe i should really get down on writing 'the best man, not the groom'... hahahahahha....

guess i should be posting the next part of the story huh? haha...

Yar. There’s no other place for me to go…

Hmm, I’m going to just chill over a cup of coffee nearby. I hope it’s not too packed. I really need a place where I can sit down and rest. you wanna come along? (oh please, say yes…)

Marie could almost hear the yes thumping in her heart, as if her very life was dependent upon that answer. What if she refused? No. she could not think of a refusal. She could hear the desire of DY’s heart, as if wanting to do something more than just coffee. Was it his heartbeat, or mine? She could not tell, the noise of the traffic around them drowning out their voices. But not the voice between their hearts. So she muttered, sure, why not, and it seemed that something was about to burst, to both of them. No, it wasn’t that they were in love or anything like that, but they now had each other for the night, just company, and nothing more, but nothing less, just the innocence of presence of one another.

They had their little stroll, side by side, to a café. There were 2 empty red velvet couches, and they sat on down, their legs allowed to rest. so, do you want me to order anything for you?

Is it my prerogative? Should I enjoy being a girl, and let a guy do this for me, just because I’m a girl? Nah, I’d better not trouble him.

No, you go ahead first. I’ll wait for you.

Ok then, I’ll go first…

She was lying in the couch, starting to close her eyes, her most traumatic experience coming over her again. She was back in her beach, and she could almost smell the scent of seawater, though the air around her really permeated the aroma of coffee. no. she was not in the café anymore. She was at the beach. And right in front of her was the guy who she thought had been right for her. The right guy. His hands were at her waist, her back was to a tree. It had been a barbeque for her friends, and the 2 were alone. the last rays of the sun was shining unto their faces, now gold and shimmering in the dying light. And so, both, as precious as gold to each other, more so, their love. It had been true love, or was it true, or was it love? She couldn’t tell anymore. But the best moments did not last. The nightmare began to creep in as his hands had moved a little north, where her strap was. As they kissed, she felt something loosen in her clothing. Her anxiety, misinterpreted to him as passion, made him a little more aroused, and so it seemed. She started to struggle, and managed to break free. Her face, red and flustered. She managed to barely wriggle out of his well-built physique. She didn’t even know what to do. Confused, she looked at him again. His face was barely apologetic though an apology would matter.

So! This was how it is, isn’t it? Just a pretty face?

I thought it was love!

After that, she took her stuff, and left his life.

None of her friends really knew what happened that caused the break-up. She had never mentioned it, because of the intense emotions, and she did not want to revisit the memories. There was too much pain and anger. the mere mention of the incident was enough to stir that explosive mixture. As DY came back with his order, she hurriedly buried those memories with the present, wiped away some of her tears, and smiled as DY came to seat. But it was futile. DY had known what had happened. He had cast one of those of his sideward glances, glances sharp enough to notice what happens to someone. His glance had caught Marie in her mid-sleep tearing, as he thought she heard some slight sobbing coming from her. So, something caused you to cry and he don’t want anyone to know, well, I’ll keep that in mind…

Hey, it’s your turn to go order. Go, go, go! Don’t stay stunned here. Or you still want me to order for you?
Nah, its ok. Thanks anyway though.

She left her seat, as hurriedly as she said those words, eager to excuse herself from her own awkwardness. A thought suddenly rose up within her, as if wanting to tell DY what happened. But should she? That incident happened in another time, and in another place, and it did not relate to DY anyhow. So, why tell? Because he treats you like a sister, is that it? She was surprised, that she managed to find the right terms to describe their relationships. Nothing intimate, but friends, maybe, just that little bit more? Aargh… words are just words, they don’t really matter sometimes. All she had to know, was the comfort derived from his presence…

She was a little dazed when the assistant asked for her order. She looked around the notices and menus, and settled on some ice blended chocolate frappucino, with cream, thank you. Anything else? No, thanks.

She went over to the pick up counter, waiting for her order to be made. While waiting, she saw DY writing. That quaint little hobby of writing, that had stuck with DY all the time she’d known him. It was all the more reassuring, looking at this guy who barely changed over the past few years. And here he was, relaxing over his hot vanilla, writing, in his near-illegible handwriting that he was poked fun of.

Miss, your frappucino? Thank you.

She took her order and went back to the seat.

Hey, what are you writing? She was curious, as she always was, when she knew words were being written. Those were the days, when it seemed DY would write some bit of prose, and show it to those around him. It was fun sometimes, to see someone come up with something new and original, and it was kind of appealing, it seemed, as if having some writer in your midst. At least, that was how she saw him. Like an uncut diamond that was already sparkling. Just that little polish here and there, and presto! Surely, one of the most beautiful diamond. DY had always shown some measure of what, brilliance?, genius?, whatever you called it, that something extra?. Though mediocre as he would be sometimes, it was given, that given time, DY would go on and do something remarkable. Or so it seemed to her.

She could barely see the words that he was writing now. But it was obvious that DY was in some sort of a frenzy, because he was trying to get the words down as fast as he could, as if he would lose his thought if he didn’t.

Oh, what am I writing now? Nothing really, just something of what happened today. Kind of private. But she had already glimpsed those words.

‘Who would’ve thought that you would meet your old classmate? Thank God I met her today.’

She couldn’t read on, as DY had already finished writing and had closed his notebook, a green Azone ring-bound note book. Her heart was smiling, no, she was smiling, she was happy, that someone would write something like that. DY had felt that those memories were worth writing about! Woah!

DY could see that she was happy. Woman/girls are really strange creatures, he thought. Tearing one moment, happy the next. Bah. Whatever, it just doesn’t matter at all.

Both weren’t talking, but it seemed that the silence was being filled by the smiles of their face. Love was NOT in the air. So, how are you now? Please don’t say ‘fine’… DY had fired off first, wanting to ride on the feeling of pleasantness.

I’ve been… alright. School’s alright. Getting B’s and C’s, hoping to get A’s though… my class if fine, we are getting along nicely. The teachers aren’t really fantastic but they do their job lar. But my GP teacher has been really wonderful. I think I should get at least a B for that.

Your CCA?

Oh, Council is busy, but its alright, I mean, I can still manage my Council stuff along with the rest of my school work. everything is fine lar. And you? I heard your college did quite alright for the A’ levels siah… is the school pressuring your batch to keep up?

Aiyah, just a lot of crap lar. Nothing much. Just try my best. Doesn’t matter lar. My schoolwork’s alright too. I’m doing well in my best subjects. Chemistry. Hee… I’m confident. Nothing less than an A. then the rest, erm, can improve lar. Physics still can, but my GP is screwing up and I don’t know why. But trying to get there.