what the.....

arrgh..>!!!!!

its been such a long time since i blogged..!!! Noooooo......!!! hahaa... ok ok, me back here to blog....

this past few weeks have been extremely tiring.... the hols are spent doing some attachment at a research institute at NUS... Institute of Materials Research and Engineering (IMRE)... haha.... hmm... did i disclose anything...?? haha.. hope me not breaking some secrecy thingy they made me to sign.. hahaha.....................

anyway.......

somebody went away on a jet plane.... 'cos she's leaving on a jet plane, i know i'll see her back again.... ' haha.....

attachment is fun.... met new pple.. and the researcher a nice guy too.. learnt some stuff.... overall, its not too bad... hahaha..........

doing some reading recently... its Dawkins(climbing mount improbable).... Gell-Mann (quark and the jaguar) and some current affairs... (Lexus and the Olive tree)..... they are respectively about, biology, physics and complexity, and globalisation... see.. i'm interested in lotsa lotsa stuff.. whether its science or humanities.. hahaha... me showing off again.. ooops... can't help it... i wanna noe so many things.. haha.....................

i know what putting faith in God means.. finally..!!!!... but i haven't taken that ultimately step.. that step of faith that will unfurl all my faith in God.. probably not the time yet.. the time will come when i'll feel ready to put it all in Him.. until that day.. i am declaring all things to Him.. hahaha..............

too bad there's no field of study that allows one to require as much knowledge as possible.. wait.. there's something.... it's called...... "LIFE"......................................................... sorry.. being tired and tired.....

ok............................ going off now....

raindrops and dewdrops...

a little interesting idea?/vision?/picture? came to me head on the train ride back home....

raindrops.. thats what i saw... not really raindrops, but drops of water falling... and from whatever-view, i saw the faces of many people, a vast number of people... as images on the drops of water. the faces were all images, reflected from somewhere else...... i couldn't see, set in the backdrop of darkness, complete darkness... i saw nothing else....... and the raindrops kept falling and falling.. never ending... until... i left the train.................

...........and my heart is going out to somebody...

correction and apologies

hi ya'all

if anyone of you found the previous post offending or pissed-off in any way (i know some people may..._ i apologize...

everybody has that wonderful immeasurable gift and that gift, God-given, is really just powerful... when tapped in the correct manner, it changes lives, the life of the person who has it, and the people around the one who has it...

and its a matter of finding what that gift is.... and i think i've found mine... and its in my head..
so go on everybody, look for yours.... and unleashed them in their fullness to the world...

'everything is wonderful now...'

reverie and revelry

the two words are sorta opposites... reverie- refers to daydreaming... revelry-refers to happiness.. haha.. looked up the two words so.. reader.. dun get mixed up!!!

today was sorta anti-climatic.

attachment was sorta boring.. read up a lot of stuff about electronics.. about some schottky-barrier thingy.. was kinda fun and interesting, in my own way.. but.. then.. my partner didn't know a lot.. had to help him out somewhat..

anyway.. i watched a movie alone.. Taxi-the american version.... compared with the french original.. hmm.... they both had their own merits.. and i think i am liking the idea of watching movies alone.. its what happens after the movie that matters to me.. i think i can now see the benefits of loneliness or, as someone would put it 'single-ness'.....

i was on the bus on the ride home, seated and comfortable, looking into my own reflection in the window... and the first thought that came to me was...:

i'm looking at myself in the mirror
the image reflecting off the retina

inside which another mirror lies
in the eye of my eye

i see myself and myself once more

and i was thinking and thinking.. thinking of words and phrases to make a song, thinking of the tune and rhythm and beat and emotions...

and then... another thot comes and breaks my song-minding..
it was like that...

I PUT ALL MY BURDENS UNTO YOU, LORD
and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
NOT EVEN HER, HER or ANYONE ELSE.
BECAUSE YOU ARE MY STRENGTH AND POWER
MY FAITH AND HOPE

AND I PUT EVERY THING, BIG and SMALL UNTO YOU
AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. NOTHING BUT YOU LORD....

how i thought of that, i dunno.. it just came, just as everything else did...

maybe its because of the adrenaline from watching the movie, how i came out walking with so much focus the crowd parts, with the focus about the road ahead yet aware of everything........

i do have a gifted mind.... a strange gift ummeasurable and powerful but i have to FOCUS. and i know what to focus on... HIM...

bless ya'll

lala.....

all the thoughts in my head.. but nothing concrete comes up...sigh... why????

can't find a central theme to focus everything.... if only...

why can't i stop thinking about her? and why am i still thinking about her???

Dear God, sorry... i think i neglected you again... remind me to remember You??


the passion is dying.........no........the passion to think.... no.....

i wish i could...

in a blink of an eye
stopping time;
to hold infinity in a grain of sand,
and eternity in an hour; (blake)

to touch the hand of the one you love
and feel safe for a whole lifetime;
reaching out to the ones i love,
in spirit, in mind......

sink beneath the waves;
and soar beyond the sky

possessing wonders in the mind
realised by the works of the hands

to run and not stumble
and run ever swifter

to see what others can't see
and have sight ever clear

and rise beyond the ordinary

with God i can do,
and blessed i may be,
to work His wonders through my hands
..........................

come what may...

Come What May
ewan mcgregor & nicole kidman
Moulin Rouge

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day i'm loving you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change,from winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

hmm.... its a nice song.. wishing i could sing and mean it..............................................................

CHALET....

chalet was FUN..!! but.....

hmm... i'm still not sure/uncertain/hesitating/unsure/undetermined/.........about relationships...
at the chalet, someone asked me: "you like her is it?"................

i just couldn't answer........... do i like her?

heck, i can't help but think what a wonderful friend i have in her...even telling me to go after that other girl.... my mind is now seriously torn/divided/separated/...... its not a matter of who to choose... its about... something else... it made me think about that thin line separating friendships and (romance?)???? but i think i'm sorta glad about her telling to go after the other girl, otherwise....i would never have known?

hmm.... and it made me think more about myself... i'm so socially awkward sometimes i dunno wad to do.. maybe on a more personal basis i can do better, but in a group i am simply not in my element...so.. people mistake my individualism for leadership...

but the chalet was fun... played a sadistic game... so many had theirs hand red and swollen, having been slapped upon... then... pool.. then... thats it...

then the ride back with a friend.. who reminded me of the person i was earlier in the year, before i changed my mindset and attitude...

its important to adapt and accept reality, and most importantly, its your own life you're living..so, to heck with how others perform, cos it doesn't matter to you...so... take it easy...

count your blessings, and you will realise how truly blessed you are..........

hols..??

haha..oops.. long time no blog...

no more pW and hopefully, no more chinese..muahahaha....!!

got a new found purpose for track.. now.. me gonna run 400m in 53s.... yeah.. but my own personal target will be 49.... hee.....

GOT A F4-1 CLASS CHALET... a time to renew friendshps, and to strengthen some friendships.. ooh.. so many people will be there..!!!!

talked to someone a lot last night... talked to her for almost the entire night... hee..... not telling who..talked about lotsa stuff.. but i realise that i would never or rather... very hard to have real relationships with her.. cos i realised we never talked much about feelings... sigh..anyway, enuf with this relationships stuff... screwing my head sometimes..

but then again... i think i am blessed to have such wonderful friendships with 2 marvellous ladies... both are really beautiful.. in body, but more importantly, in spirit... and it shows.. in their lives.. God bless them both greatly..!!

leaving it all to God.. hee...

God-my sanctuary and retreat...

hols..??

haha..oops.. long time no blog...

no more pW and hopefully, no more chinese..muahahaha....!!

got a new found purpose for track.. now.. me gonna run 400m in 53s.... yeah.. but my own personal target will be 49.... hee.....

GOT A F4-1 CLASS CHALET... a time to renew friendshps, and to strengthen some friendships.. ooh.. so many people will be there..!!!!

talked to someone a lot last night... talked to her for almost the entire night... hee..... not telling who..talked about lotsa stuff.. but i realise that i would never or rather... very hard to have real relationships with her.. cos i realised we never talked much about feelings... sigh..anyway, enuf with this relationships stuff... screwing my head sometimes..

but then again... i think i am blessed to have such wonderful friendships with 2 marvellous ladies... both are really beautiful.. in body, but more importantly, in spirit... and it shows.. in their lives.. God bless them both greatly..!!

leaving it all to God.. hee...

God-my sanctuary and retreat...

1st November

today was project work oral presentation...

did not too bad.. expecting M-E.... (meeting expectations) now will be working hard for chinese... hopefully, track training wouldn't be too tiring.....

So for the rest of the day, will be slacking.. hee... yeah... just play and blog? hee... with PW... its really the end of something...

sigh.. still no dragonfly coming up....no story to write..!! errgh...
i need a story..!!!

science-my way

was raining the other day over at the sports complex.. it was raining so heavily that the drainage system couldn't handle the amount of rainfall... rainwater started gushing out of the drains and drain covers. parts of the track were flooding... depressions and potholes started filling with water too....

i was observing everything... then.. i looked at the water and fluid closely.. i looked outside and saw the rain hit the wet tarmac... immediately the raindrop hits the tarmac, a bubble appears and pops out of existence... i started to slow the scene in my mind, trying to capture the sequence of raindrop falling-bubble forming-bubble popping...

then.. i looked at the drain. rainwater was flowing rapidly... then i saw this interference between different water waves. then, obstacles would create eddies and vortices, all visible from the light hitting incidence on the water. then... water would swirl and i could see the light reflecting in some, and absorbed in another area... was the reflection because of the change in density=change in refractive index? my physics not good enough so.... nvm...

and then i notice water gushing from a drain-cap... then.. circular wave-forms would form and start to interfere with other wave forms.. i could see the troughs and the crest of the water waves rippling across the entire wet surface.. and i started thinking about the energy... pressure.. density, velocity.. all the technical stuff just came out.. errgh......

water and fluid flow has always interested me... sigh... but i'm just not there yet to do anything... will keep fluid flow in mind.. hee...

the ending of a beginning...2004.....2005

its almost the end of the academic year, and soon another year will come... only 2 events remain... 2 major assessments... something called project work and AO examinations... after those 2, i am free... not quite, cos i got trainings and a research attachment to go to... but then, the burdens will be lightened as i will have to trudge through holiday assignments....

its time to put some things in order... relationships... its time to resolve and confront questions...