Old things made new

Ran tonight. And old things come back to me. Strains, breath, fatigue, and the reminder that running is still about the focus, the perseverance. I'm still slow; will get faster.

Monsoon and Future of Power - I return back to a comfortable space, to readings on politics, of strategy. Old connections reforged, freshened, rejuvenated, augmented with new experiences. 

I'm returning to my synthesis mode; new lenses, new tools, to make new things out of old tools. Steven Johnson, James Gleick entwined in braid. 

A return to dreaming, and to make true those dreams. 

Rawr.

EMpulse-Bursts

Empulse-bursts is not a typo - Electrical impulses, was thinking of cloudbursts... I realised that when I force myself to focus when I run, I am in actual fact, meditating. And here's the 'rain':

1. I think there is a different way to conceptualise knowledge and academia, and I was thinking of this as friends were debating about psychology and sociology. I realise that different subjects are more like points in a network of knowledge, and that every point emanates influence from a metaphorical origin. Imagine waves radiating outwards from a pebble being dropped in the pond. Semiotics becomes the study of how these waves form, and what happens when they intersect - how knowledge is being created, perhaps.

Less metaphorically, semiotics is a thread that connects the different fields, in the investigation of how raw sense-data becomes knowledge, of how things become known and have meaning. It is both cognition and social constructions - because nothing in the material world has any meaning-in-itself, the meaning is given by people, and I think its a place where semiotics comes in and becomes part of the explanation.

2. Was thinking about pedagogy, was thinking that USP students are a demanding lot, and will demand high quality instructors as well. While we have always taken charge of our own education, what I'm trying to get at is that, where is the line where students decide what is being actually thought? And this leads into the next point...

3. If USP instructors are facilitators of knowledge, then this must mean, in certain instances, that students are, together with the instructors, co-creating knowlege together. Continuing on, where is the space of criticism of instructors by students? This criticism must necessarily be based on respect and decency, but I was wondering, how would instructors come to terms with this criticism? And this leads to...

4. Alan Kay said that the best way to predict the future is to make it. If we at USP are in the process of co-creating knowledge, might not we take the next step and begin to shape the future? While students can be thought of as future-in-waiting, I'm really wondering, to what extent can that future be realised? And so, on a not-so-unrelated point,

5. I'm struggling with myself, and still figuring out what is 'smartness'. My current thought is this: Social Darwinism, social engineering will fail, because genetically, getting people of the same phenotype (smartness) together would sometimes mean the meeting of genotype. Exercising social darwinism leads to some degree of inbreeding, and in some instances, retardation. I take the view that people are all smart, but that their smartness lies in different areas, and it is up to institutions to develop, and nurture those smartness. (was wondering about those government scholars - how 'smart' are they? they must definitely, certainly be very smart. so how do i 'compare' to them? they certainly can't think the thoughts i do!)

6. Which leads to the conception of democracy: in the naive case, democracy is meant to be a system of debate, of a marketplace of ideas, where ideas are debated, and thought through, and the belief is that the best ideas, by their own 'best-ness' will prevail. But that does not happen, and we end up with the belief that certain people are more worthy than others to weign in on a debate, which leads to inequality, exploitation, oppression...

7. Media technology is then, a way to level the playing field, perhaps... Which leads me to the recurring idea that socialism will come not because of revolution, but because socialism will be preferred over capitalism (stone age didn't end because we run out of stones; capitalism won't end because we run out of capital). Perhaps if we can find different perceptions of capital...

8. What we want isn't better, or newer technology - what we want are engaged, more-informed tech! And it is that socially, humanly-informed technology that might get socialism started...

9. And a world system: first started thinking about money, about how a single piece of paper note is really a contract of payment, that a $2 notes does not mean that the paper alone is worth $2, but is in fact, a promise of payment to be paid something worth $2. Extending the concept to the limit, then, international process can be thought of as things-in-process, waiting to become things-to-be. This process is never really complete. Eg., international aid: where assistance if offered to countries with the hope that these countries will develop. (aware of complications, but for the time being...) a semiotic conception of this system would look into how aid in itself becomes a sign-relation, that the sign 'aid' means within it, the outcome of development. But since things are evidently not so, aid is then, in actuality, a process of things-to-be. Thinking of Novogratz's notion of patient capitalism, where funds are not simply 'things' that arrive at a particular client, but instead carry along with it the whole development process that needs to be followed through... .

more than running, more than gold

I got gold today, and I ran the 2.4km at a surprisingly good timing - one that i didn't even expect myself. So I thank God.

But today I learnt something during the run too. Perhaps it was the bananas - but whatever it was, during the run, stitches came up, and I remember the pace slackened a bit. By then I was running 7.40 and entering into the last round. I could relax - but no.

I decided to push. In earlier runs, I had learnt that in running, all the sensations are a matter of mind. One can push beyond limits should one choose to. So I pushed, ignored the stitch and strided the last stretch.

Pain. But so what? That's what life is, no? Carrying on despite the pains that we might experience, despite everything. And we move on. Because there are things larger than the pains that we feel.

And I guess I learnt that today, I can push on despite pain, despite everything. This realisation... its going to... be useful this semester and for the years ahead.

I love running.

Thanks to friends for encouragement and support! Looking forward to treating people!
Praise God!

the times i run at NUS

I enjoy running at NUS. I know its not exactly the sanest thing to do, considering that sometimes I run the slopes deliberately. Its this strange sense of catharsis, of clearing up certain thoughts. And here they are, as I went to run, and the thoughts that came up.

The first time I ran at NUS, it was the first year, and it was all so emotionally exciting, with many ups and downs - and that was felt in the run that I did - the strenuous uphills and the relaxing downhills.

But as I ran again, the feelings are different. It is still the same run, but the runner has changed. The slopes now mean something different - no longer the rawness nor the intensity of the slopes, but something else, that just slipped my mind. There was something that I grasped... the hills, the slopes, of the going up and the going down. It might not have been about the journey that we take, but about an experience through life.

The challenges of life will always be with us - in school, out of school, and after school. The destination matters, but the process of the journey is as important as the destination. I remember noting that I would want to come back to USP and mentor the students to think about their lives and how to get there. I think about the sobering fact that I would not have thought about doing sociology. In fact, if I were to come to FASS in my first year, I would instead have been hot-headed about political science.

As Dr Ryan says, Steve Jobs' connecting the dot backwards is too simplistic, but it is a beautiful narrative nonetheless. Its amazing that I stumbled into Dr Don's class - a semiotician, and how I got infected with certain ideas, and how all of that has led me in my current direction... deep insightful stuff...

And so the slopes on NUS mean something different to me now, though I still can't quite get it.

blogspot kinda failed on me, so i'm using scribefire

Garg. I realise that if I don't write regularly the old-school way, the hand will feel funny when taking up the pen.

ok. so i've blogged a bit here:

http://eddiechoo.wordpress.com/2009/07/22/gargh-google-blogspot-has-failed-me/

but I wanted to write a bit more. I need to find back that link to information and society. See how bah.

Had many, many enlightening conversations. The next sem will be quite tough, I think. Oh well.

lessons learnt from a short gathering

Had a short gathering with some sec sch friends.

And perhaps today I finally laid things to rest and understood better what friendship is: that despite all the divergence, friendship - the legacy links are what remain.

I thought about the agency-structure thing a bit, and I thought about the scholars bound for the various agencies. I guess they would be the ones who would understand the agency-structure thing most. For me, I guess the complicated thing is that structures are also composed of agents, and its a conflict between those who wanna maintain the structure, and those who wanna change the structure. Even the real anarchists, would define a social order, one that is based between the arrangements of people, using a shared framework - and that would include an order within.

The next thing I thought about was context. I thought about the overseas scholars again, and how they would be from scholars who studied in SG. Overseas dudes bring a different experience, but it is the SG scholars who are immersed in the local environment, whom I hope would know and understand the situation here. The challenge for all of us is how to remain critical thinkers, in the midst of a deeply entrenched system that does not always tolerate divergent opinions....

Which brings me to another point, that understand is not empathy, and I think, for policy to be truly effective, it has to be empathetic, not just effective. I know that govt tries to do that, and sharing by people who are there leads me to believe that policymakers don't live in ivory towers...But in SG's current path in development, policies could perhaps move not just from effectiveness, but have components of empathy...- a lot of fluff, and perhaps I'll get to there someday in fully fleshing out the idea...

And so... understanding is not empathy. Empathy is understanding, with the added emotional, experiential context. And that perhaps, is the end for all information systems, with technology being the means in bringing about the end of emapthy. Maybe infocomm is misleading, maybe empathetic tech might be better, though the juxtaposition is surely jarring...

Is that all?

-All these from a run. bleargh.

i went for a run...

Here I am again, off the back of another run, still high endorphins even as I begin to feel the cramps and strains in my calfs and thighs. Anyway, thoughts come to me as I run, so here they go..

I was reflecting about the state of my social life, and the obvious always hits me. I have a wide array of weak links to various social networks - I count off FCBC, cell, VCF science, VCF arts, NGOs, bernise ang, kelvin quee, USP, ACJC, Gmeth, So yeap. So its not that I do not have friends, I just have very little close links people who I can count on... People whom I know and love on a first-degree basis... 

My life thus far has been book/study-centred, and with it, there are pros and cons. Pros being, intellectually mature - I know where the trends are, and I know how to explore them if I want to, because I was in a surrounding that never gave much in terms of encouragement or critical thinking. I was more in the neighbourhood of, 'study hard, make money' rather than, 'just learn about the things that you love, and see how you can move from there - doesn't really matter if it doesn't make money'... 

So yeah. I've pretty much been making my own decisions about what to do in my life, with my studies. And this attitude has created a spirit of independence, of self-reliance. At the same time, being slightly different within my peers as I came of age, I became a little bit socially-aloof. Thats the con part. Being immersed in books a little bit too deep might make a person a little bit divorced from the reality of human relationships, and its becoming obvious that it is something I should be working on - hang out more with friends and such. 

I really, really, envy my friends who have siblings who have gone on to NUS or colleges and such. At least they have God AND someone to talk to... As for me... I self-console. Which isn't much.

So thats that. Hang out with friends next semester will continue to be a priority, if not the highest priority besides studying time and running and praying. 

The second major thread that I thought of was WRITING. I need to join a writing circle of sorts, of that grey zone between amateur and professional, so I can improve my writing at a professional level. No, I don't exactly need SPH kind of mentoring, but I do need professional writers who *might* spare some time in looking after people. Maybe i'll ask someone about it. Singapore must have a writing circle somehow!

The third thread that occupied my mind was about activism. After reading Alex Au's article about foreign workers being oppressed in Singapore with complicity on the part of the government, it sent shivers down my spine. Here is the link

http://www.yawningbread.org/

And then it dawned upon me that there are at least 2 kinds of activists in Singapore. 

There are those who are acting as the Singapore's opposition - they question the policies and transparency of the incumbent, to challenge the irrationality of the government.

Then there are those who challenge the government based on universal principles of human rights and such. 

I guess you might label the former as Pragmatists and the latter as Idealists. 

There are really no hierarchies between these two kinds of activism. Activism is I guess, kinda like a spectrum, because all activism are based on the existence of ideals, but all activism also wishes to enact some kind of practical change. 

I look at the fading facades of my neighbourhood, and think about how long Singapore can really last... 'Singapore' as a coherent concept, of people living, dying, working, playing... but these are questions to big to ponder for me, and I ought to look at smaller details... 

There are the blue-blooded elitist people who have no regard for the rest of Singaporeans, and there are Singaporeans who have been disregarded by the rest of Singapore. 

I can guess now I realise the fine line that Bernise has been walking for her post-melbourne life. How to *confront* the authorities without really confronting them... 

And still musing... How long can a reign of irrationality and absurdity last? Does it become like the Soviet Union, when prison inmates joke about ten-year sentences for nothing? Or does it become worse? Even the USSR took a few decades to come to its demise. We've only had 4. Hmm... 

So yeah. 

crazy run

Now i run, i give myself the challenge of singing while i'm out of breath. which is... quite some challenge. but wth.

~ = inhale
! = exhale.

~~! ~~! ~~! ~~! when ~ the ~ oceans ~ rise ~ when thunders ~!~!~! roar ~!~!~ I will soar ~!~!~ with You above the storm ~!~!~!~ Father You are king over the flood ~!~!~!~ I will be still ~!~!~ and know You are God ~!~!~!~!~!~!...

When I hit the uphill at central library it goes like this...

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~ when ~!~!~!~ the ~!~!~!~ music ~!~!~!~ fades ~!~!~!~ all ~!~!~!~ is ~!~!~!~ stripped~!~!~!~ away...

well you get the picture.

I realised that i can do something i couldn't really do before. I can now stride the uphill back to PGP. wee!

running has always had a special place in my heart. maybe it was army that strengthened certain mindsets about running. i've always thought running was a test of spirit, a time to think about certain things, or simply the way to think about things. i don't really have a thought agenda when it comes to running, but sometimes, after a while, thoughts come. i thought about my place in USP and what it meant. i thought about craziness and normality, how people in USP are crazy in a certain way, and i guess people join USP because of craziness anyway. I think about writing, and thinking about critical thinking, and why i will always be an america-phile, at least for now. and i think about the reasons about why i love america, and thinking about how to translate their ideals into reality here in Singapore. about working with school of thought, to spread the habit of critical thinking, thinking about the cashier at 7-11 in a high tech world of search that is now dominated by google.

i imagined this scenario. sometime in the next few decades, people are going to be surrounded all over by smart dust, and some uber-intelligent programme will surround you the day you live. what it means is that all the things that you've ever done, your preferences and habits would be known to that program, and everytime you step into the store, the cashier plugs out your preferences, and tries to give you what you want, even before you make that intention. woo...

i think about why america is the hub of innovation, and i think i can come up with an answer, albeit tentatively. i think about the way americans always look to the future, daring to dream, and sweating it out to make that dream work. in singapore, we can't seem to be able to look at that future on the far horizon, and all that we seem to be able to do is to dwell on the present, to see and react to things as they are, not as what they could be. I think the attitude pervades a huge section of whatever we do - social policies, education policies. We prepare our kids for the future, but that future immediately becomes the present, and so what we have only been able to do is to give them the skills for a possible future, whether it might happen or not. What we should be doing, is to give kids the skills to pursue their future however they want it to be, because the future is NOT what the government think it might be.

So I'm thinking and thinking, and now I see that our perception of the future shapes our present, about what we do now, without ever thinking about the fact that our perceptions could be dead wrong. The future is an expectancy that we create, and it shouldn't be an expectation borne out. If everything were planned out, which things don't, then... it ain't called the future, ain't it?

I don't think this is my most coherent post, but I think I raised some valid questions, about the way we see our future, and how it shapes our policies, and the way we think. I think Americans have the highest number of future-fantasizers (serious ones) per capita. Or people who have the vision and the conviction to imagine a different future than what they've always had, and to work towards that... I think the day will come when people will go to university not thinking about what the future might be when they graduate, but rather, what the skills that the university will give them to CREATE THEIR OWN FUTURE.

Until we do that, that will be the day we stop making economic machines in the machinery of Singapore Inc, and that will be the day when the brain drain might actually reverse. Until then, I fantasize...

something foolish...

Things have been quite messed up. Or rather, not really. It might seem to be, but its times like these when you learn to step back and look at the larger picture. I am fine. Really. But spiritually, there are battles, and conflicts, requiring confessions and retreat, and returning to the altar, and laying everything down at the foot of the cross, and be cleansed, purified, sanctified. Destroying walls where it is mis-built, destroying where there is imperfection. Because God is the creator, and He will accept nothing less than perfection. i only work with Him, and where i build by my own strength, He demolishes and He builds, and rebuilds. Because truly, there is nothing that CAN BE DONE unless HE builds, and when he BUILDS, it is because it is PERFECT; it is HOLY. He has a perfect plan for my life, and He will accept nothing less - a life that is perfect to His will. And where i stray by my own strength, He will do a crisis, an uproar, an earthquake, just to come back to Him, unless in my quietness, He reveals my straying. Because of His love, He does all of these. He loves us so much that He cannot bear to leave us alone.

wow...

and i can only stand in awe of You.

A crisis...

I ran in the heavy rain today. Was that wise or unwise? Lord protect me.

 I felt a lesson was being learnt here. When it rains, when things don't go well, do we quit? If God wills it, then we learn to strive on, despite of the rain, despite incidents and accidents. If not, walk away, leave nothing back.

So did I learn anything? I don't know. But if I had to run in the rain just to realise the passage above, then I guess, its all in HIS hands anyway...

runtimes 9th august 2008

lap 1 4.11
lap 2 4.23
lap 3 4.21
lap 4 4.26
lap 5 4.37
lap 6 4.32
lap 7 3.30

(2 laps not documented)

I feel happy about the timings, because i did them after a long break, and the fact that i can still sprint a ~3.30 after 8 rounds, which is justification for the fact that i'm still quite fit. i think the 2 rounds not documented, which are before i started the timing, were probably ~4.15... which means, i'm still 'there'.

hopefully when i'm at hostel i might do more runs up and down kent ridge...