Generational divides

Generational divides There are tremendous differences in the way people born in the 50s and those born in say the 80s. The main difference lie in how they perceive the importance of the extended family. I personally don't care much about the relevance of the extended family because my immediate family is much smaller than the family sizes of my parents and grandparents. I suspect that the increase in education levels have led to increase in career and job opportunities without the need of the clan/extended family connections. The situation of parents and grandparents are vastly different, however. Without education, and without the corresponding opportunities, parents and grandparents have had to rely precisely on those clan/extended family connections. Which explains why I'm stuck attending big family gatherings thrown by ostentatious relatives flaunting their wealth. The other thing that's very different, but less distinct, is the perception of the importance of material values. I suspect that people born in the 1980s are less status conscious than parents. That is however, just s hunch. Or rather, the benefits that come with material abundance are more equal, instead of the relatively scarcity of material accumulation in the past. The material and status consciousness that we inherit is a throwback to the past of needing to prove that we have outdone others, and in an era of relative egalitarian conditions, such differences might matter less; on the other hand, the super rich become the focus of the collective envious.

from the BMW showroom

Right now, almost 'live blogging' from the BMW showroom. My dad has decided to 'upgrade' from the Toyota Camry to a BMW 5-series. Similar engine capacity, similar shade even. One of the reason for the change of car, if not an 'upgrade', was due to the unique economic situation of car-ownership in Singapore - which encourages the change of cars every few years - possibly an environmental reason - new cars with better engines are less pollutive...

What bugs me though, is how divergent the mindsets are regarding things like car-buying and notions of success in life. BMW in SG, has been recognised as a status indicator - the 'made-it'-ness of the person who buys the car. They are happy not because of the change in car, parents are smiling because the new car is a BMW and that there are very few BMWs in the neighbourhood parking lot.

I couldn't care less. My idealistic self would like to deny these nearly-arbitrary notions of materialistic success. Also, I think about the cultural capital embedded in buying the car; buying a nice car does not equate to other notions of cultural capital... it still does not change who the person is, and how the person is embedded in some other social context...

I watch as my dad struggles with the technology that's in the car - heck, cars now come with this small screen and all, with additional controls. Although the incorporation of tech in cars is significant in its own right, what I'm interested in is how different generations have issues coping with tech as it comes along...

tonight was the night my nightmare nearly came true - a sign of things to come...

The Sunday that just passed was a nightmare that almost came true...

The nightmare concerns an 'apartness' feeling that I've always felt between my parents and I. But before I move on, I love my parents and my family and I know they love me. Love - as in sacrifice and affection. I know my parents and siblings have already poured their lives into me, and any failure to acknowledge can only be a failure on my part. 

And so I move on. This apartness that I feel concerns largely my academic and spiritual development... I already live in my own world academically, pursuing the things that some of my peers in USP might not even understand completely. I'm pursuing academic boundaries in ways, and I'm also beginning to accept myself and my inclinations, and trying to maintain sensitivity to friends as well. 

There's isn't much to say about spirituality except that I have acquired a different worldview, and that makes a lot of difference already.

But the thing that concerns me most is that academic pursuits in USP is moving me into a different socio-economic space where my parents and siblings can hardly imagine. That I'm in this place where my peers are used to a more affluent lifestyle due to their socio-economic background, that I am here in USP due in large part to my academic merits (I think), and that I'm out of my league socio-economically... This part has always affected me ever since I entered ACJC, and I'm still feeling my way through this. That because of academic achievements people think I come from a over-achieving family background... Well... Sunday night I shopped around for a blazer, and brother and I were in conflict because he thought the blazer would be too expensive... Thank Lord for G2000 bundled packages! 

So yeah. Even as I'm in USP, I'm contesting stereotypes in my own ways, that at the same time, I'm also trying to find an acceptance over who I am and what I'm doing, in relation to my friends, in relation to the whole system overall... 

In all of these, Lord, I ask for compassion, not to be self-righteous or puffed up or boastful, but instead, to see these people with compassion, to relate to them on an even footing, to engage them emotionally and psychologically, to acquire a sensitivity for myself and for others, and I pray that in all of these, I will find favour in You, and in others, that others might come to see the work that You are doing in my life.

Lord I thank You, that I am in USP, for the opportunities to interact with so many people, and I pray I can engage them in a meaningful and spiritual manner. Lord, give me the strength and the compassion to see them as You see them, as creations of Your love and grace. I ask all these in Jesus' most precious name. Amen.

Family and Chinese/Lunar New year

It was a busy first day of the Chinese/Lunar New Year, going around to the houses of various relatives, my mum's side. It was all the usual meet and greet kinda stuff, with the usual snacks and hongbaos.

I guess my mum's clan - the extended extended family has went past a demographic phase. The youngsters ten years ago have all grown up, and we don't bother about snacks anymore. Another 5 years, and I'll be in the working/postgraduate phase, talking about the economy and whatnot, I suppose, talking about the price of cars and houses and computers and stuff - all the usual nonsense. But I hope I won't be talking about those. I will be aware, but that will not be the main focus of my conversations with relatives. I will, want to say that I'm on the road of achieving my dreams, that I'm on the verge of changing the world - thats what I would like to say. I would also say that I'm too busy with work to find a girlfriend, and that I'll need to be flying off the next day to meet some global partner. Or something like that. Make the extraordinary sound plain ordinary, at least to me.

But personal ambitions aside, I'm thinking about what familial clans mean - what does it mean to have such extended relatives... Are they of any 'use' - if I were to use such a technical/functional term.

I suppose before there was such globalisation, the main avenue of success was through the family - as in, when one fella made it big, others would use the connections to piggyback on his success. Hence the exciting family feuds in Taiwanese dramas involving family and betrayal and big money.

But are extended families still as important? Or are they merely a longing on the part of the aging for a past that has since faded away? Because right now, I would consider my friends to be of greater importance than that whoever's-cousin. The emotional factor peters out extremely fast as you go further along the relational line. In other words, the less related you are to me, the less I care about you, much less. But for friends - no such relational hierarchy exists. I guess in our times, closely related uncles and aunties, maybe 20-year or so apart, are useful in the sense of being a mentor who is easily accessible to their nieces and nephews. Someone close to them, intimate enough, to teach them something useful in life. I guess thats the main role of being a relative nowadays - but that only happens for intimate connections - you can't have that with a distant uncle or distant niece/nephew.

Distantly related contemporaries/peers aren't really that useful as well. They end up becoming strangers you see at ritually-designated periods. Like another relative's wedding, or something like that. You recognise their face, but other than that, nothing else matters. And seniority and familial hierachy - who gives a heck nowadays... Today's coming-of-age Singaporeans live in a time of flatness - without hierarchies. Any attempt to institute them will just be irrelevant.

But back to the point - do extended familial connections - especially those of the past, with a productive matriarch/patriarch having 8, 10 kids - still matter, especially to a 21-yr old like me? Hardly. They matter to me only in the sense of observation, what they do, how they do. Who they really are makes no difference to me, since I have my own life, distinctly different from them. All I do near them is to listen - listen to their anxieties, to them talking about their jobs, and their worries. To hear about their expectations for themselves and for the future, to know how to handle myself around working people. That is all, I guess. I have my own lessons to learn, and hanging around them doesn't help me learn them. And I guess that in itself, is a lesson too.

Happy Chinese/Lunar New year!