aww crap..17-11-2006

its a friday.

and i found myself tearing this morning. i'm tired. i'm tired of reaching out to people and garrh! there's no one to reach out to me. do i have to do this all my life? feel as if i'm being taken for granted. or maybe thats why i find myself sometimes preferring army life, because you can't be alone there. nah.

after ns, how would i spend my days? just writing and reading. i know there will come times when i'll feel bored, so i've got to go out and then just start running again. if i can, i would absolutely love to run everyday, if not just every other day. reading, writing, running. i could spend many days like that, thinking of ideas as i run and writing them, and going to read. wow. thats all i ask for. or i'll find a job. blarrgh. just things to think about.

its just so hard for me to relate to others. sigh. 1 don't play games because i think they're a waste of my time when i could be say, writing or reading something more meaningful, something more matching to my personal abilities. can't help but feel this way. so i see myself, perched high up on some 'citadel of loneliness' or something like that. or maybe i'm getting depressed so i can down-pes. haha. what nonsense. in truth, i still need someone who i can be with. someone who can be there... other than God.

oh well. here i go again. my angst coming out in full force. blarrgh.