12th november 2007... today i fly to thailand, but before i do...

i just came back from watching 'Lions for Lambs'. It was slow, there was lots of talk, the movie reviews weren't that fantastic, but what the heck. I found myself in the seat of the political science student in the movie talking with the prof... suddenly i feel like studying political science but then again, maybe i'll just take it as a minor. at the end of the day, its what you do, ain't it? oh well.

anyway, here's a letter i wrote to people concerned about me...

I'm writing this because Melvin said he was worried about all the
cynicism that was in my writing. I didn't actually realise it at
first, I felt totally different when I was writing all those emails.
Well, about my latest one, that was just from personal experiences.
Not dwelling too much on that, well, my family is like this
suffocating environment, being too much concerned about the usual
stuff, like making sure that we don't get into trouble outside even
though we're all grown up... That was sort of a personal perspective.
And about the languages, about English and dialects, well, that was an
observation about the fact that well, Singapore society has its haves
and have-nots, and its pretty much defined by how much ang-moh is
spoken at home, I mean, look at the richest families, and they have
the sort of 'pedigree'. And all my cynicism about Singapore, about
PAP, about NS? The cynicism is just a phase, but beneath it all, there
is like a constant fire burning all the time - its all getting so
cliche I feel so embarrassed to say it all. Why am I so cynical about
the intentions of PAP, about our society?

Because I think that, and Melvin agrees, that we live in a
material-driven society today, where most people define success by the
money they make, by the car they have. We have become a
material-centred society today, instead of the people-centred society
that we should be. I think thats why I'm so cynical about PAP, about
NS, because, I personally cannot feel their people-centredness. Thats
why every now and then, I think about whether the people behind PAP,
are they really concerned about Singapore, or are they concerned about
their status and jobs.

I think all cynics were concerned at one point or another, then they
got disillusioned and lost their belief. Thats not happening to me,
and not yet for a long time. At the centre of all of these is simply
that drive to want people to change their material-driven mindset, and
hopefully to redefine their definitions of success, in terms like,
legacy, for the benefit of others, and something else I can't recall.

'Be all things to all people'. What I learn is that people don't want
religion - they don't really care if there's a Jesus who promises them
eternal life. Maybe they are too stuck on being material driven they
don't realise they need relationships and everything else that makes
life fulfiling and meaningful.

That is why I'm writing all of these - the things that I've been
writing about, the 'tradition-bounded family', about the nurse from
China, about the coffeeshop cook - all of these are part of the
society that has failed to become people-centred, and in some sense,
all of us are suffering as a result.

In the end, only Jesus can do all of these, only He can make that difference...

So here I am, going to thailand...