23rd-24th june 2007

i had my first combine rehearsal not too long ago. was alrite.

sigh. darn. i wish life was easier sometimes. like, why can't i be a christian openly. why am i still living with a deep fear... arh well. why can't my parents be more... accepting? why am i such an idiot of a thinker? haha. God, i just want to confess the wrongs that i've done, and Lord, thank You for Your grace and providence. be with my platoon mates.

some things can thank God for. but other things have to ask God to change. so ask that you'll be willing to change.

had lunch with a major, but its really nothing. some comments about the state of the company, though i also heard about some possible advancements. which i'll know only after i ord. so what the... arh well. after a while you face some major questions, like evaluating the role of basic military training and specialised training. will vocations become so deeply specialised that you actually need a decent education to handle all the specialty and the tech? how will the role of commanders and man be modified? these are the key questions tha strategic planners have to answer... topics for a possible COA essay competition... haha...

its just that i have a different conception of faith, and its like... rather different from the idea of others. and its all rather difficult to elaborate and explain. first of all, i don't believe in a literal, word-by-word interpretation of the Bible. I would want to study the ideas, context and history of something... i come from the other side of the line running back. i don't just get God straight from the Book. with the Bible, i get a few ideas, then i go running all the way out in philosophy, science, and everything else, then come meeting God at the intersection point, or that is how i wish things could be. Wishful thinking perhaps. now i'm a little confused if there's an intersection point, and if there is, its very hard to find it.

and the big problem is, everyone is running with their ideas directly from the Bible and nowhere else, so its like running against the tide... and there's like no one else to run with me, and it sucks.

meanwhile, exploring further the ideas of climate change and the evolving geopolitics. yeah! finally thought of another idea to push my thoughts towards. its really a combination of 2 things that i've become comfortable in, and it ties in with my old interest in globalization and everything else. cool. hee.

alritey then... its been tiring, but i look forward to sunday, meeting bernise and co.

whoooo!