16th june 2007

my brain is dying... can't remember my running motion, can't remember my personal details... all because of the exercise? oh dear dear...

had a gathering at kenlo's place. first, it was at a house, and i do mean a house, meaning, a standalone bungalow. and his parents were wonderful enthusiastic people, and his mom was perhaps a tad too enthusiastic. just another session where i gaze into the world beyond mine.

and i got my hands on me chem texts. will have a hard time going through now that my brain is in this near-retarded state. arh well.

its really important to have docs as friends, because they put everything into perspective. instantly, my camp worries disappear. my anxieties, my burdens, disappear, sublimating. these people experience others dying... and what do i worry about? what i experience becomes effectively nothing. at least i still have life. and its important to just dedicate every breath, every heartbeat to God.

and ... thinking about it, i'm starting to feel a little disillusioned about the bigger churches. whats the use of good speakers, good acoustics and all...? why need the flashing lights and the loud sounds and the humongus LCD screen? are these things really necessary? strip away all these things, and just coming to worship the Lord. the early christians were so successful because they were truly sincere. are we? the sincere christians in the early church provided examples for others to emulate. are we doing the same? the standards are still the same. have we, in the chase for numbers, lost the sincerity, believeing in simply a set of formulas and rules to 'earn' believers? do we believe because we are told to believe, or are we sincerely believing?

gonna rest, and hope the brain cells get connected again...